Mom-in-Law Telling Son's Wife She Should 'Try Harder' To Have a Boy Blasted

A mother-to-be has described a disturbing situation on Reddit whereby her mother-in-law allegedly chastised her for having a girl, not a boy as their first child like "every woman in the family," in a post with nearly 18,000 likes.

The original poster (OP) u/bookfern, 28, explained that she and her husband Cam, 32, are expecting a girl. On being told the sex of the baby, "MIL [mother-in-law] immediately seemed upset at this and she told me that next time I need to try harder to give my husband a son." The OP continued: "I told her we didn't care what we were having, we just wanted a happy and healthy child."

She went on to say how her mother-in-law told her it was "a fault" on her end "because she had a boy first (she had all boys), all of her other sons' wives had boys first, so that meant I was the odd one out."

Despite her husband standing up for her, the mother-in-law continued, "getting onto him about how he should want a child that can carry on the family name instead of a daughter that will just be given away."

Defending herself and her unborn daughter, the original poster described how she "told her that once she looks into getting a refresher course and reading up on basic biology she should have learned in the 6th grade, she's free to give me a call and apologize for being absolutely ridiculous."

She went on to describe that despite sticking up for her, her husband criticized her in the car journey home, saying he "didn't appreciate me speaking to his mother like that." The original poster said she was now not sure who is in the wrong.

According to numerous and consistent studies, American parents have long favored boys over girls, a preference that has deep origins in outdated gender roles. According to the University of California, referring to a 2019 working paper that would eventually be published in the Journal of Economic Behavior & Organization, "[s]ince 1941, Gallup polls have found that if Americans could only have one child, they'd rather it be a son."

The university mentioned a 2018 poll suggesting that is still the case, as 36 percent of people would prefer a boy and 28 percent a girl.

"Younger adults, and those with less education, are more inclined toward boys, but the main distinction is between men and women. Women are split—31 percent want a girl, 30 percent a boy—but 43 percent of men prefer a son, to 24 percent who prefer a daughter," wrote the university.

Speaking to Newsweek, New Jersey-based author and psychologist Eileen Kennedy-Moore said: "The mother-in-law's commented are clearly sexist. She's putting down the mom and the future granddaughter so it's understandable that the mom would be very upset by these comments. It's reflex to want to attack back when we feel attacked, but that's likely to lead to open warfare in the family."

She pointed out that the mother probably felt a "double betrayal when her husband criticized her on the way home and it probably felt like he was taking his mother's side. What she needed at that point was validation of her feelings. It would have been nice to hear 'What she said was very hurtful and just plain wrong!'"

Kennedy-Moore suggests that in the long run, it would be best for the original poster to try and at least partially reconcile with the mother-in-law.

"This is probably not the last time the writer is going to hear unpleasant opinions from Grandma, so it's worth coming up with a plan for how to handle them. Taking Grandma down is not going to help family peace, no matter how wrong she is. Instead of trying to 'win' a no-win argument, the writer could:

• Step over the argument by just saying 'Hmmm' and changing the subject.
• Echo the underlying concern without necessarily agreeing. 'It matters a lot to you to carry on the family name' or 'You liked having a firstborn boy.'
• Offer a correction gently. An 'Isn't this interesting?' tone will go over better than a 'You don't know anything!' tone. For instance, she could say, 'Did you know the sex of the baby is actually determined by the father? Think of all those wives of Henry VIII who were unfairly blamed!'
• Meet nastiness with kindness. 'I know you're going to love this baby with all your heart, just like we will.'"

User EzHedgehog commented: "She's treating your baby like she's less than before she's even born."

User user0N65N said: "Worse, she's a misogynist. She thinks women are less than and 'given away' like f**kin' party favors. I'd give her a fair shot of being a gramma, but at the first sign of 'less than' treatment toward my daughter, she's persona non grata."

User AndSoItGoes24 wrote, "What exactly was OP supposed to do to get a boy? Cross her eyes and her fingers and pray for a male heir?"

Newsweek reached out to u/bookfern for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.