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A step-mom has been backed online in a popular post after sharing that her husband fails to give his daughter attention when she visits.
The step-mom took to online forum Mumsnet to share her issue, after finding that her husband, who she has a son with, would hide away any time his 12-year-old daughter visited. Despite at times believing it to be in her head, she recounted an anecdote from that very day that made it all very real.
"He came upstairs and told me [my step-daughter] is here. I said 'cool - I'm just finishing up.' He then came back again not even a few minutes later. Then he came upstairs with the baby and said I'm going to cuddle her down. I believe this means he will lay in the bedroom with the baby while [I] entertain [my step-daughter]," she wrote.
The wife explained that her husband often reels off various excuses as to why he is unable to spend one-on-one time with his own daughter, ranging from "seeing next door about the garden" to getting milk "and takes forever."
Last week, she wrote, she found her husband lying in the conservatory, on his phone, while his daughter paid a visit. When prompted he responded that he "needed some reflective time."
"I don't mind this," she wrote. "But I feel that my husband is not actually doing his bit, yet he wants to play world's best dad when it suits him."
The importance of a present father in a child's development is well-researched and well-established. Research from 2013 published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that involved dads improve the overall emotional and social well-being of a child.
As a silver-lining of this situation however, the apparent bond between the step-mom and her step-daughter is one that is far from common. According to research by developmental psychologist E. Mavis Hetherington, spanning three decades, only around 20 percent of adult stepkids feel close to their stepmom. Despite this situation focusing on a younger step-daughter.
The father's surprising behaviour enraged internet users, who came up with suggestions on how to handle it.
"You need to start playing his game so he realizes. You need to go out and get some milk or visit a friend, or do anything that means he has to engage with his daughter," suggested one user.
"Well you aren't his mother, so I don't really feel it should be your role to encourage him to stop avoiding spending time with his own daughter," added another. "He's using you , and I feel sorry for his poor daughter who must realize by now he doesn't want to spend any time with her."
Others were left with a sour taste upon predicting how the daughter may respond in years to come, realizing her father's lack of attention. "Don't worry," wrote one user. "She won't keep coming for long, she will soon realize that her dad doesn't want to spend time with her."
The mom in response has since vowed to be "firmer" with her husband, explaining that she worried about her step-daughter being unhappy.
"I had a very unhappy childhood and I hate to think of any child not fully loved. So I try and make up the love, but I can't facilitate my husband to be a lazy so and so and not pull his weight," she concluded.
