Wife Backed for Refusing to Host Mother-in-law at Christmas: 'Suffocating'

A wife has been backed for refusing to host her mother-in-law at Christmas.

A poster on the forum Mumsnet under the name Hyggerama explained her husband's mom is "intense" and "follows" her around the house—even when putting the garbage in the outdoor bin.

Newsweek reached out to a parenting expert who described the post as "quite sad," as the children's grandma is trying to be "close" to them but is actually alienating herself.

The woman states she would prefer her mother-in-law to visit their home after Christmas. This would reduce her stay as the trains will then be running on schedule.

According to Pew Research, 55 percent of 9,676 U.S. adults say they live within an hour's drive of at least some of their extended family members.

Roughly equal shares of Americans say they live near all or most of their extended family (28 percent) or near some extended family (27 percent).

The OP said that her mother-in-law, who doesn't speak English, started visiting the family again in 2020. She describes her as "all over the kids" and states she "follows" her daughter around.

She wrote: "She hovers over son as he's playing on the floor and tries to get his attention all the time by making clicking noises."

The OP responded to other users and described her mother-in-law's behavior as "suffocating". She also refers to her husband as "not the best" host as he works, meaning she is left to entertain his mother.

Newsweek spoke to Ruth E. Freeman, founder, and president at Peace at Home Parenting Solutions.

She said: "Kudos to mom who has shown so much restraint and even compassion for her challenging mother-in-law. So much of what mom is describing is actually quite sad as her mother-in-law tries to be close to her grandchildren but in fact, does things that are likely to alienate them.

"Since her own son is staying distant from his mother, one can only imagine that she may have had this intrusive style of parenting when he was growing up.

"Nevertheless, mom has demonstrated kindness and patience toward mother-in-law and deserves for her husband to respect her boundaries. Stand firm, mom. Two days of this kind of visit, which probably stretches everyone's nerves thin, are more than enough.

"In fact, mom may want to make that a policy going forward. If I were the mother in this situation, I would ask my husband, who presumably speaks his mother's language, to let her know that he'd like her to give the kids and his wife a little more space and describe specifically the behaviors that are a problem for his family. He can sandwich these requests by opening with an appreciation for her visit and ending with some positive words, but in between, it will help everyone if he can let her know what would make visits more pleasant for his family."

A large number of people have backed the wife but there seems to be a divide in in the comments.

One user said: "Tell your darling husband to pull his finger out now. Two days around Christmas is plenty. Make this clear to your darling husband also probably not her fault but she's hard work, you don't have to turn yourself into a doormat."

"I can't see that she's done anything bad at all. Remember these are her grandkids and she has barely been able to see them since their birth due to Covid. You have a darling husband problem, he should be entertaining his own mum. You seem to be judging her for not speaking much English but perhaps you have no idea what prevented her from learning," said another.

Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.