Parents Having Another Baby to Replace Sick Son Slammed: 'Regret Him'

The internet has backed a woman who told her little brother the truth about their parents after an argument that broke out during Thanksgiving dinner.

In a post shared on Reddit earlier in December, under the username u/TwoBrothersNoPeace, the poster explained that when she (24) and her big sister (26) were young, their brother Jake (23) was severely ill, and doctors didn't think he was going to make it past 12 years old.

She recalls that because her parents always wanted a boy they had another baby, who turned out to be a boy, Ryan, and was supposed to be his older brother's "replacement" once he died.

According to the International Children's Palliative Care Network (ICPCN), each year in the United States, approximately 500,000 children cope with life-threatening conditions, and 53,000 children die from trauma, lethal congenital conditions, extreme prematurity, heritable disorders, or acquired illnesses.

The poster's terminally ill brother ended up recovering, and he has now been in remission for over a decade. He has always hated his little brother, who was supposed to replace him—and to back him up, his parents also "ignore" the little brother when Jake's around, and she said it's "obvious to [her] they regret him."

She added: "On Thanksgiving Jake said he was thankful for his parents and sisters. Ryan was upset that he wasn't counted, and our parents ended up telling him off and sending him to his room. Ryan has been miserable ever since. He keeps asking me why Jake hates him. I decided he needed to know the truth, so he knew it wasn't anything he did. He was sad after I told him, but he thanked me for being honest."

When the boy confronted his parents about it, they were furious at the poster, and asked her to tell Ryan that it was just a mean joke and none of it was true.

Soula Hareas, a licensed mental health counselor at McNulty Counselling and Wellness, told Newsweek that this issue should really be between the older brother and his parents.

She said: "The younger brother was not only not around when this all first happened but he didn't cause his brother's illness or make it worse by being born. In moments like these parents aren't thinking logically when making these kinds of decisions to have another replacement baby. They are thinking out of desperation which is understandable because they were about to lose their child."

Projecting 'Feelings of Guilt'

According to Hareas, it sounds like the parents regret their own behavior and are projecting their feelings of guilt onto their youngest son, and that they have way too much "adult information" available to children.

"Children can't grasp, process, or reconcile adult issues. Parents are supposed to reassure their children and give them information appropriate for their age. These parents have let too much slip out and now each person is processing it in their own way as young adults from perspectives that are very different. Hence, this negative behavior and attitude towards the youngest sibling.

The post, originally shared on the r/AmItheA****** subreddit, has now gone viral, receiving over 5,800 upvotes and 550 comments so far.

One user, Lazy-Nectarine21, commented: "[Not The A******] Your brother deserves to know what happened in the family before he was born. You just behaved like a big sister. Besides, it's better that he knows it's not his fault or anything that he did, [which] can lead to a lot of unnecessary self-hatred that he absolutely doesn't deserve.

Also, your parents could really use some therapy, they don't seem aware of what they're doing and how badly it can affect Ryan. Or they know, and they miserably dismiss it. Either way, not good."

And kipsterdude said: "I was actually expecting Ryan to have been born to be an organ donor for Jake, but I'm super jaded like that."

Cali-in-Cali added: "Very clearly [Not The A******]. But Jake needs to get over it, it is NOT Ryan's fault he was born and he has a long road ahead when it appears half his family is rooting for his failure. Jake is in remission and an adult now, he should act like a grown-up and help protect his brother from his parents who are the real [A*******] here."

Newsweek reached out to u/TwoBrothersNoPeace for comment. We couldn't verify the details of the case.