Mom-of-2 Only Helping Youngest Daughter Buy House Backed: 'Entitled'

A mom has been backed online after sharing her family's financial dilemma thanks to her decision to pay for the home of one child and not the other.

Peace Anumah, an accredited psychotherapist and founder of Piece Into Peace therapy practice, told Newsweek that the mom isn't alone in her finance-induced argument, saying that "money tends to be one of the significant factors that causes conflict within a family unit."

In this case, the woman is a mom to two adult daughters: "Belle," who is 25, and "Elise," who is 23. Sharing her situation to Reddit, in the popular Subreddit "Am I the A**hole," the mom's post gained over 7,000 votes.

She explained that when the daughters were in high school, they set aside $150,000 each for their children's further education. Belle, who always wanted to go to college, chose a "very good" but expensive school which "wiped out" her college funds.

Elise on the other hand attended a far cheaper college, meaning she didn't spend all of her college fund and so it was put away by her parents.

"A few months ago, Elise was visiting me and she was complaining about a house she and her husband really loved, but was out of her price range. I felt bad for her, and discussed it with my husband, who suggested I give her the college money. I thought over it and decided to, and gave it to her. She was very happy and cried a lot," wrote the mom.

"Well they finally moved into their house this last week, and Elise invited the whole family to come visit and see the new house. When Belle arrived she was taken aback, since the house was large and in a nice area. She asked how Elise was able to afford it, and Elise offhandedly mentioned that I gave her half the money.

"Belle didn't say anything, but got really quiet, and didn't speak to me for the rest of the evening. I called her yesterday and asked if something was wrong, and she kinda exploded at me, shouting that I was showing favoritism by giving Elise the money for the house, and it was unfair," added the mom.

"I tried to explain that it was the college money that she had already received but Belle said that she had to take out loans despite our contribution, while Elise wouldn't have to worry about the house loans."

The mom said her daughter has blocked her and confided in her aunt, who is also upset over the share of money. "My husband says that Belle is just acting entitled," wrote the mom.

Newsweek spoke to Anumah about the mom's dilemma, who reasoned that: "It is not a question of favoritism but sibling jealousy, which isn't uncommon among siblings. I wonder if Elise had purchased a smaller house in a rough neighborhood if Belle would have reacted the way she did and projected her thoughts and feelings towards her mother.

"There is a hint of disappointment from Belle, which is entirely understandable. Being the oldest sister, it's not a nice feeling watching her younger sister thrive in ways she wished she could—debt-free, married, good job, and now a big fancy house in a nice neighborhood.

Anumah added, however, that there is likely more than just simple jealousy playing a role here. "Although there may be elements of jealousy, Belle's reaction tells me that there may be more to this," she said. "Almost as though it's more than just the purchase of the house. It sounds as though childhood experiences may have triggered her. Being the oldest child, it's most likely that when Elise was born, the attention and support from her parents changed. I believe her feelings of unequal treatment needs to be acknowledged rather than dismissed.

"Her emotions are still real for her and should not be dismissed with the expectation that things would 'blow away' because they might not. It might fester and lead to resentment. Extend compassion, understanding and empathy towards her so that her relationship with you, her parents, and her sister is not strained."

This idea that the mom is not in the wrong here is one shared by non-experts too, with Reddit users rushing to support the decision.

"You gave both your kids exactly the same. How they spend it is on them. Belle could have gone to a cheaper school and achieved the same educational result. She chose not to. You are not the a**hole but eldest is entitled," wrote one user.

Another user, however, reasoned that Belle might not be in the wrong either, saying: "You are not an AH for giving the money to Elise, but Belle is also not TA for being upset that she didn't know that this option was available to her.

"Thankfully where I live university education is free, but I may have thought twice if my parents had offered up an option of tuition vs half a house. I may have chosen to take student loans myself (potentially at a better rate). I may have chosen a different school. I may have waited until I could pay. I don't think it's AH behavior or entitled to point out that the goalposts were changed - but nor do I think you were an AH for giving the money to Elise."