Mom Blocking Sister Out of Her Kids' Lives Over 'Bullying' Behavior Backed

A post about a mom who banned her sister from seeing her kids after she kept "bullying" them has gone viral on Mumsnet, the U.K.-based online forum.

In a post shared on Mumsnet's Am I Being Unreasonable (AIBU) subforum, user PontinsBeach said she has two teenagers (a 15-year-old autistic son and a 14-year-old daughter living with anxiety and depression).

Both of her kids are "school refusers," the user said, and her daughter often spends all day in bed, while her son wakes up but will play video games. "I have to WFH [work from home] but I make sure they come out at least once a day," the mom said.

The user said: "My sister has a holier than thou attitude and is always giving me s*** about my kids...constantly comparing" her own children—who "never had any kind of issue"—with the user's son and daughter.

Autism spectrum disorder (ASD), anxiety and depression affect many children in the U.S.

ASD is "a developmental disability that can cause significant social, communication and behavioral challenges," explains the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).

About one in 44 children has been identified with ASD and it is more than four times more common among boys than girls, according to estimates from 2000 to 2018 from the CDC's Autism and Developmental Disabilities Monitoring (ADDM) Network.

Just over nine percent of kids aged from three to seven (around 5.8 million) were diagnosed with anxiety (when fears and worries interfere with school, home or play activities) from 2016 to 2019. In the same period, just over four percent (approximately 2.7 million) were diagnosed with depression (a persistent feeling of sadness and hopelessness), according to the CDC.

One Friday, when the user in the latest Mumsnet post was off sick at home, her sister showed up at short notice and allegedly started "bullying" her kids. She went into the room of her daughter, who was fast asleep, and began loudly clapping her hands, shouting: "Right you! Up now! You can't live like this!!!! Your poor [mom] is ill and you need to pull your weight!!!! Come and make her some soup!!!," which left the daughter in tears.

The clapping is also a "huge sensory trigger" for the son and "in the midst of everything I heard him slamming his bedroom door repeatedly," the user said.

The user said: "I lost my s***, this has been happening consistently for years and I was done."

She called her sister "a f****** disgrace for bullying my vulnerable kids," and said "F*** off and don't ever talk to me again."

Elizabeth Fedrick, a licensed professional counselor (LPC) with private practices based in Arizona, told Newsweek that the sister's actions towards the original poster and her children are "incredibly violating and inappropriate."

Fedrick said the sister is "overstepping her bounds by engaging with poster's children in this way and is exacerbating already existing struggles with her approach."

Bullying is defined as "the act of intimidating a weaker or more vulnerable person in order to make them feel a certain way or to get them to do something" and "based on that definition, and the poster's description of events, this would be categorized as bullying behavior," Fedrick added.

On the Friday that she came over, the sister "tried to talk to non-verbal [son]...she looked shocked and appalled when he blanked her," the user said.

The poster said that "in the end it was humiliating" for her daughter, as she had "slept just in bottom underwear." When the user's sister pulled the blanket off of her that Friday in her room, "she was exposed" and "started crying and begging me to intervene."

The user said this is "notable behavior" for her daughter, as she "usually doesn't break down" until her sister leaves. But this time she finally "snapped" and started "crying and having a panic attack" in front of the sister.

After the sister continued lecturing the user about her parenting, the original poster "threatened to call the police to get rid of her" and "then she sheepishly left."

The original poster later sent her sister a message saying "if she turns up again, she's not being let in, and forceful attempts WILL result in me calling the police as I feel I have to safeguard my children from her."

Is the Sister Coming From a Place of Genuine Concern?

Fedrick said the sister appears to be behaving the way she did "due to feeling as though she knows what's best for the poster's family" and is "presenting from a place of superiority," as though she is the expert on the needs of the poster's children.

"While her behaviors could most certainly be coming from a place of genuine concern, her actions do not present as care and concern, but rather as condescending and arrogant.

If the sister is truly concerned for the poster and her children, it is crucial for her to come from a place of compassion, grace, and understanding," Fedrick said.

Should She Be Banned From Seeing the Kids?

Fedrick advised the Mumsnet user should consider not allowing her sister to see the user's children until "clear boundaries have been established and communicated to sister."

"It would have been beneficial for poster to have set boundaries with sister many years ago when she first noticed this concern, to try to prevent it from coming to a breaking point as it did," she added.

If the user intends to allow her sister to have contact with the kids, "it is crucial that she provides very clear and specific guidelines" on what the sister is allowed to say or do when interacting with the children.

"If the sister is not able to respect these boundaries, then it is likely in both the poster and poster's children's best interest not to spend time with sister," Fedrick noted.

The Family Needs Support

The latest post has sparked debate among Mumsnet users, with some critical of the sister.

User badbaduncle said the sister is "an overbearing interfering nightmare that should definitely not be allowed in your home, but also, you need to push harder for support for your DC [dear children]."

MultiTulip said: "It does sound like your family are struggling and I can see why a close relative would want to help. But she seems to have no idea of what sort of help would be useful to any of you. If she's not prepared to make the effort to understand what might help, then she can't be around the children..."

2pinkginsplease wrote: "Totally agree, sounds like she initially is trying to help but is tackling it all wrong. your family definitely need more support."

Some questioned why the original poster "let her" sister enter her daughter's room.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov asked: "Are you struggling mentally? How did you let her upstairs [in the daughter's bedroom]? If you don't want her in DD's room whilst she sleeps why do you let her? Do you secretly want her help?"

Theskyisfallingdown wrote: "That's a shame that she's been given the opportunity to bully your kids for years and storm their bedrooms."

Newsweek was not able to verify the details of this case.