'Selfish' Family Refusing to Let Sister Move Into Their Empty Home Backed

A woman who is reluctant to let her sister's family of six move into her empty house—fearing her children will damage it and annoy the neighbors—has won sympathy from Mumsnet users after asking for advice on how to handle the tricky situation.

In the post, which has attracted over 500 comments, user timeaway4now describes how she, her husband and their son are moving away for a few years.

"We were going to ask our niece, Sarah, to live in our house for free in return for looking after it until we return. She is currently looking for a new place in the area, so we thought it was good timing all around," she wrote.

She explained that her sister, who is married and has four children aged, 14, 11, 8 and 6, has found out about the situation and wants to live in the house herself, as it is larger than their small apartment.

"Aside from having more room my sisters other reasoning is that she and her husband want to to save up for a deposit for a house of their own. They have been having trouble doing so and living in our house rent free for a few years would help them a lot.

"My main issues is that I don't like the idea of a bunch of kids living in my house. Things get very hectic at my sister place. It makes me feel like it is inevitable that things would get damaged. I also worry about upsetting our neighbors with how loud they can get. Our area is generally very peaceful and quiet," she said.

Agreeing to the sister's proposal would also mean the poster's family would have to put their belongings in storage to accommodate the sister's furniture, and that they would have to find alternative accommodation when they returned to visit once or twice a year.

But while she is "uncomfortable" with the idea of having her sister's family live in her house, her sister and other relatives believe she is being "selfish" by not letting them stay.

Website Psychology Today suggest that when dealing with a tricky family issue it's important to "Try to avoid getting into a fight-or-flight response, which inevitably leads to becoming defensive. You do not want an argument or heated discussion. Stay true to yourself, grounded in your own integrity. Be direct and assertive when you express yourself. Stay focused on how you respond."

It also suggests that it's important to focus on your own well-being before anyone else's.

"While you want to be respectful and attentive to others as much as you can, you don't want to bend over backwards or twist yourself into a knot just to make someone else happy or satisfied, or to keep the peace. Never allow any personal interaction or relationship to infringe upon or challenge your own well-being. Visualize your boundaries, that protective territory between you and someone else. No one is entitled to occupy your space unless you invite them in."

Many Mumsnet users sympathized with the poster, with Theendofnature commenting, "Stick to your guns and have Sarah live there, not negotiable."

Another commenter suggested the Mumsnet user respect her own boundaries while still trying to keep the peace, "Just say no in a very friendly way without much detail along the lines of "I am sorry that does not fit our plans but thanks for suggesting it".

Another user agreed, "Gosh, I think you're absolutely right, but very hard to say it without insulting them! I think the bit about putting [your] furniture in storage/having nowhere to stay on your return is the way to go."

User DottyLittleRainbow pointed out that, "Trouble is that if you need to move back in at short notice, say sooner than expected, it will be much harder for your sister and kids to find a new home quickly than your single niece. Rental market is dreadful at the moment, 100s of people bidding for one property. You could end up with nowhere to live.

"Stick with your original plan. Ultimately, your sister chose to have 4 children and that's not your responsibility" to which the original poster replied, "that is a really good and scary point that we had not considered. Thank you for bringing it to my attention."