Son Dragged for Refusing to Share Room With Grandmother: 'She Smells Funny'

A 12-year-old boy is being criticized online for refusing to share his room with his grandmother—despite that his family had a deal where he could have a large bedroom, but only if he shares it with the occasional guest.

The boy's mom, u/Broad-Anxiety5936, shared the story to the popular Reddit forum r/AmITheA******, earning 16,500 upvotes and 5,300 comments for her post, "[Am I the A******] for expecting my son to share his room?"

The original poster (OP) says she and her husband bought a three-bedroom house shortly before the start of the coronavirus pandemic. While they took the largest bedroom, they gave their two children—their son, then 10, and their daughter, then 12—the choice of the two remaining rooms. Their options were a smaller room that would always be theirs, or a large room given with the proviso that if family was visiting, they'd have to either share or give up the room for the guests.

Though the OP admits that it's rare to have family over, she and her husband were surprised when their daughter picked the smaller room and the son the larger, writing that "both seemed happy with the choice."

As the pandemic waned, with the kids now at 15 and 12, the OP's mother is coming to visit over a four-day weekend. The OP and her husband said that his grandmother would be sleeping in their son's bed, as per their original agreement.

"Well, my son threw a fit. He didn't want to share a room with grandma, not even on an air mattress, not even for 3 nights, she smells funny," u/Broad-Anxiety5936 wrote. "So we reminded him of the original deal, and offered to put the air mattress in the living room, but that wasn't enough, he'd have no privacy there. His sister offered to let him put the air mattress in her room (which she wasn't required to do), and that wasn't ok either. My husband and I offered to let him put the air mattress in our room, and he said no to that (because sharing a room with your parents, yugh! god bless the privilege, but whatever)."

Since he rejected all the potential solutions, the OP said she gave the son an ultimatum that he's going to have the air mattress while she's visiting—he can put it in whichever room he likes, but that's what he'll be sleeping on. She says that her mother is 83, and she won't have her sleeping on the couch or an air mattress. She and her husband can't give up their bed, because her husband has a bad back and can't sleep on the air mattress—and besides, her mom wouldn't let her give up her bed for her.

However, the OP's husband is now upset. He suggested her mother stay in a hotel, but she pointed out that neither she nor they can afford to put her up in one.

"He went silent. Now he's calling me [the a******] for forcing our son to give up his room for all of three nights, and suggesting that I tell my mom not to come at all since apparently 'none of us can afford it,'" she wrote.

Parenting can be difficult. Sometimes a parent has to lay down the law when a child is throwing a tantrum, while other times they have to learn when to let the child make their own decisions and mistakes. But, usually, consistency is key. Geoffrey Greif, PhD, LCSW-C, professor at the University of Maryland School of Social Work, told Newsweek that the OP was correct to hold firm.

"The boy is out of luck. He is 12, not 5, and entered into an arrangement that privileges him the other 362 days a year. So I would encourage him to focus on those days and not on the three days a year that he is choosing to feel put out about," Greif told Newsweek. "Spend one night in his room with grandma, one in the living room, and one in his parents' room and use the different arrangements as a learning experience as to where he wants to sleep the next time she comes."

"Parents need to help children focus on the big picture—enjoy your 362 days in the larger room," he added.

Redditors agreed that u/Broad-Anxiety5936 was right.

"If the son didn't want to share, he could've picked the smaller room! But no, he wanted the bigger one so he needs to abide by the condition put in place! Like it's 3 days, he needs to get over himself acting as if it's for 3 months," u/medico_struggles wrote, earning 18,000 upvotes.

"Wow, I am a school leader and completely understand and am educated on the importance of safe spaces, right to privacy etc. I'm also a mother of two myself. But I genuinely worry about the long-term effects for these children who are permitted to such extreme behaviours on the basis of 'not feeling an ounce of discomfort' to their personal selves," u/jessyharps wrote.

"Imagine when these children are running the world, and are the ones facing REAL challenges and making important world decisions based on their 'intrinsic/gut feelings', which has been developed through childhood as: 'Do whatever makes you (maybe others, but mostly you) feel comfortable. Don't stress about others if it might hurt/displease you even a little," they continued. "[Not the A******], OP; by a very long shot. A good mother, I think! Keep guiding him into being a person of integrity! You'll thank yourself one day, I promise. Stand your ground!!!"

"[Not the A******]. He is not a toddler. Ask him why is he so adamant about it, but then remember him he has the bigger room for a reason and he needs to obey," u/BigDrakow wrote.

"[Not the A******]. [What the hell]? Is your husband serious? How can he let your son dictate the rules of the house. You're the parent and it's only 3 friggin nights. Put your foot down on this one. Make your son sleep in the garage for all you care. But be sure your mom is comfortable and happy during her visit. Stand your ground," u/Secret-Sample1683 wrote.

Newsweek reached out to u/Broad-Anxiety5936 for comment. We could not verify the details of this case.