Woman Refusing To Care For Step Kids Left on Her Doorstep Backed Online

A woman has taken to Mumsnet to ask if she is being unreasonable for her reaction to a recent bust-up with her ex and his new wife.

In the post, user ooominn described how over a week ago she asked her ex-partner to look after their two children, 7 and 9, on an unscheduled night so she could go and work an overtime shift, to which he agreed.

Describing that they only really talk if it concerns their children, they didn't talk again after he agreed. Turning up at his house to drop off the children, she found him not in, and not answering his phone.

After receiving a message saying he was at work and had forgotten, then blaming her for not reminding him, she tried knocking on the door to ask her ex-partner's wife to look after the kids.

The OP alleges that "she pretended not to hear the door or miraculously any of our calls ... when I finally got hold of her she said ex hadn't mentioned anything and refused to have them."

She explains that she had to leave with the children and cancel her shift, "fu**ing over my boss and colleagues."

She asks, "what kind of step mother would refuse to let her stepkids in when they were on the door step. My ex is a POS too in this situation I know but seriously why wouldn't you just agree to let them in for the night considering it was her husband who fu**ed up??"

But, some 70 percent of users voted that the OP was being unreasonable.

According to Family Law Partners a step-parent does not have parental responsibility unless they adopt the child, sign a Parental Responsibility Agreement which all other people with responsibility need to sign, or when the court has made a Parental Responsibility Order following an application made by the step-parent.

Without these any of these occurrences the step-parent has no legal obligation to look after children from their partners previous relationships. Similarly, an unmarried partner is not legally a step-parent.

Newsweek spoke to Ruth E Freeman, founder and President of At Home Parenting Solutions, who argued: "Whether you are being unreasonable or not (and you are most certainly not!), the important fact is that you have no control over your ex-husband nor his wife.

"You are in a very important relationship with a person who you don't choose anymore and therefore stuck with his values and behaviors. Even more frustrating, you are also stuck with the values and behaviors of his partner."

Ms. Freeman suggests that although difficult, the sooner the divorced co-parents surrender to their powerlessness over their ex's new partners, the better for both the parents and the children.

"The kids must have felt some sad or hurt feelings when she chose not to answer the door," she says. "You have every right to feel hurt, angry and want to hurt back. Unfortunately, talking about this when your kids are in the house or worse, talking to them about it, is harmful.

"And the bottom line is that every time you think about the way you were treated, your brain releases all the stress hormones that you felt the first time. So when this comes up for you, reach out to someone, do some journaling or bring yourself back to the present moment and feel your gratitude for not having to live with that guy anymore!"

Despite Ms. Freeman's professional opinion the majority of uses on Mumsnet disagreed.

User RoomOfRequirement wrote, "It's nothing to do with her. It's ridiculous to be mad at her over this."

User ChagSameachDoreen said, "She was absolutely NBU! Your ex was."

User sandytooth commented, "It's perfectly reasonable. There's no need for her to ever have to speak to anyone just because they are outside her door."

Newsweek could not verify the details of the case.