Teen Avoiding 'Real Parents' by Allowing Stepmom To Adopt Him Applauded

A mom and stepdad trying to force their teenage son to live with them—despite giving up their parental rights—are being slammed online.

In a post to Reddit's Am I the A******? (AITA) forum on October 6, user u/Particular_Pin_ explained he had recently been adopted by his stepmother "Carrie," who he has been close to throughout his childhood.

The now 15 year old has been happily living with his dad and stepmom for two years, but his mother and her new husband—who the poster describes as "toxic"—are pressuring him to move back in with them, even though his mother no longer has parental rights.

Is terminating parental rights common?

A 2019 study published in the journal Child Maltreatment found that 1 in 100 U.S. children will have a parent terminate their parental rights before the age of 18, whether voluntarily or involuntarily.

Analyzing data from 2000 to 2016, researchers found that a termination of parental rights most frequently occurs in the first few years of a child's life, but the reasons varied by race, ethnicity and state.

African American and Native American parents were more likely to have their parental rights terminated, which researchers suggested is because of structural inequalities and a lack of safety nets for low-income families.

More recent figures compiled by Statista showed that 63,800 parents terminated their parental rights in 2020. Involuntary reasons included severe abuse or neglect, sexual abuse and abandonment. A parent that is suffering from a long-term mental illness or struggling with substance abuse can also have their rights involuntarily terminated, although the reasons vary by state.

According to A People's Choice—a California-based legal document assistance service— it is not common for parents to give up parental rights voluntarily, unless the child is being adopted.

'My real mom'

In his post, u/Particular_Pin_ said his mom and dad divorced when he was three years old after his mom was unfaithful. After the split, his mom moved in with her affair partner "Tim" and his parents shared custody.

Unfortunately, Tim and the poster never got along because of his new stepdad's allegedly abusive nature.

"At first he seemed nice," he wrote. "But then after he and my mom got married he became extremely rude and he always tried to get me to call him dad even though he knows I hate him."

The poster said that Tim would bad-mouth his father, referring to him as "deadbeat," despite his father being the primary caregiver. Tim was also verbally and emotionally abusive.

At age 13, the Redditor decided to move in with his dad and stepmom full-time. Unlike Tim, Carrie and the poster have a good relationship.

"When I was little she would read me bedtime stories and would play with me," he said. "She is an amazing person and I consider her to be my real mom."

In 2021, the poster's dad became seriously ill. Carrie offered to adopt the teen, so that if anything happened to his father he'd be able to stay with her.

"They asked me how I felt and I said absolutely and we immediately signed the adoption papers," he said.

"My mother then gave up her parental rights to me and honestly I was happy but also sad because it meant she didn't care about me."

However, the mother and Tim seem to have recently had a change of heart.

"Yesterday Tim showed up at my dad's house and demanded that I go to my mom's with him," the poster continued.

"I told him no and he got angry and said 'I'm your father you little c*** so get your a** over here and go back to your real parents house.'

"By this point my dad came out and threatened to call the police so he left."

Since the incident, the teen's father and stepmother have been berated by his biological mother's family on social media, causing him to blame himself for the situation.

Shadi Shahvanaz, a psychotherapist specializing in children and family issues, said agreeing to be adopted by his stepmother was a "natural and logical choice."

"At this age, he's realized that he deserves better, which is likely due to the love he is receiving from his dad and stepmother," she told Newsweek.

"I'd recommend therapy, so he has a neutral space where he can think about what has happened and be validated in his choices."

Reddit users offered their support, with the post receiving almost 8,000 upvotes and nearly 900 comments.

"Family is not always biological, but rather who you decide it to be," commented Elmers_Wabbit.

Alphaowlboy agreed, writing: "Just because your egg donor is biologically related to you and Carrie isn't, doesn't make her ANY less your REAL mom."

I_Have_Notes suggested that Tim's sudden interest in the teen was linked to his finances.

"It sounds like your stepdad just learned about not being able to claim you as a dependent on his tax returns," she said.

"Why else would such a dead beat want a kid unless it benefited him in some way," wrote INFJPersonality-52. "Creepy."

Littlebitfunny21 said: "Your dad is protecting you. If your mom wanted to be your 'real mom' forever she should've done a better job of it.

"I'm sorry those people are doing this to you when you're already going through such a difficult time."

Newsweek has reached out to u/Particular_Pin_ for comment. We could not verify the details of the story.