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Some parents are firm believers in the "one and done" rule when it comes to having children, preferring to have a single child rather than a whole brood.
That's certainly what 16-year-old Reddit user Zestyclose-Middle-41 thought her parents wanted, so she was shocked to find out recently that they are having another child.
"They were always supposed to be one and done with me," she posted, "something I was aware of was partly due to them finding childcare ridiculously expensive and mom enjoying her job too much to stay home. I think another part of it [is] they are not very natural parents and are pretty much entirely hands off. We never do anything as a family and they are not very involved in my life. They pay for stuff and that is their contribution to my life."
Describing the pregnancy as a "shock", the teenager revealed that not only are her parents expecting another child, but they're expecting her to do the bulk of the childcare, quitting her after-school activities and canceling her summer plans to look after her sibling while her parents work.
Indignant at this request, the poster discovered from talking to her guidance counsellor she could graduate early, "and leave so they can't use me as free childcare." After her parents called her "incredibly selfish," they also said she would not be a very good sister if she refused to be a part of the baby's life.
"I told them THEY had responsibilities as parents and I am not a parent, I am the child in their house. They told me not for long," she said.
Roughly one third of couples get pregnant again within about 18 months of the birth of their previous child, making the median age gap between children approximately 24–29 months, according to Verywell Family. Shorter age gaps are more common than large age gaps, with just five percent of births occurring with age intervals as large as 10 years.
"It is not uncommon for teens to complain about their parents, but in this case it is certainly justified," Ruth E. Freeman, founder and president at Peace at Home Parenting Solutions, told Newsweek. "Congratulations to these parents for raising a clear-eyed, independent young woman who can speak up for herself and set good boundaries.
"That's where the kudos for her parents ends. This teen sounds desperate and is going to curtail her youth by not graduating with her class to avoid the burden her parents want to put on her.
"Asking this young lady to be a co-parent or child care provider is unreasonable and unfair. Perhaps if the family does hire a child care provider and that person is out from time to time, it seems reasonable to ask their daughter to fill in once in a while if it doesn't interfere with important activities. However, asking her to give up time with peers and extracurricular activities on a daily basis is harmful to her development. Peer relationships and enriching activities are actually very important for teens' growth, maturity and eventual launch. Her parents are, in essence, declaring that her development is less important than their preferences about work and budget.
"While our teen sounds strong and confident, this expectation that her parents have put on her and the accompanying blame and shaming has likely created some degree of pressure and internal conflict. Adolescence is complicated enough. Parents trying to dump their responsibilities on her will likely have a long term negative impact on how she sees herself and her relationship with them in the future."
Users on Reddit agreed with Freeman that the original poster is not the a****** in this situation.
"NTA. At all. They want you to be a live in nanny and raise their child that they don't want," said one user, while another agreed, "Parentification is a form of abuse, more jurisdictions need to learn that."
A few users disagreed with one saying, "Yta. You need to help your parents out. They take care of you and you need to do your part."
Newsweek reached out to Zestyclose-Middle-41 via Reddit for comment.
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About the writer
Leonie Helm is a Newsweek Life Reporter and is based in London, UK. Her focus is reporting on all things ... Read more