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I got married to my husband, Mark, in August 2010. Before that, I had been through a divorce and was struggling mentally at the time. Mark and I met through a friend, and got married three and a half months later.
He instantly made me feel safe; everything felt right with him. We knew that we wanted to get married, but we thought that other people would have a strong opinion against it, as we hadn't known each other for a long time.
Mark and I had both been married before and I had a child, so we knew that if we were going to get married, it had to be right for us. Prior to the wedding, we quizzed each other about everything that could possibly affect our marriage. But we had the same goals and we were aligned. It was then that we decided to not invite our brothers, and my dad, to our wedding.
I didn't want other people's judgments to cloud mine because marriage is meant to be between two people. At the time, I was estranged from my dad. I also felt like my brothers would have a strong opinion about my wedding, which would have taken the focus off Mark and me. I didn't trust them to understand, or see the bigger picture.
Our wedding and guest list
We wanted our wedding day to be about us. We had both been married before and had big white weddings with expensive cars and many guests, but that doesn't make a marriage and I have realized now that it doesn't mean anything in the long run.
I also wanted the day to be a big event for Maddy, my daughter, who was six at the time. Although she knew that we were getting married down the line, she didn't know about the wedding until the night before. Expecting a six-year-old to keep a big secret like that would have been a lot for her to handle, so I wanted to protect her.
So, Mark and I took her out the night before. We gave her a big balloon and showed her her bridesmaid dress. She was really excited, and paraded up and down the restaurant practicing for when she would walk down the aisle.
I didn't want Maddy to feel like she wasn't involved in my life, just because I was getting married, or that she had been left out. But my focus, as a mom, was about protecting Maddy. When you marry as a single parent, your child's well-being is obviously a huge concern.
Our wedding day was perfect for me. Only 12 people attended. The registrar's office had just opened in the morning, so it was a beautiful time of day. We'd picked out the music and our choice of vows. Instead of my dad, Maddie walked me down the aisle, which was a precious moment for us.
Prior to that, Maddie, Mark and I discussed that if any of us were feeling anxious, we'd shout to get the nerves and tension out of our system. As soon as we reached the bottom of the aisle, all three of us turned towards each other and let out an "Ah!"
The wedding guests laughed, and it diffused all of the tension. Whilst saying my vows, I told Mark, "All that I have I give to you." In response, somebody shouted, "Well, you don't have much." Again, we all burst out laughing. That was the type of wedding that I wanted. Fun, light hearted, down to earth and focused on what really mattered.
We were married in a small town near Yorkshire and after the wedding, we had a picnic in the park. I took my boots and jumped in the rainy puddles with Maddy, she loved that.
Marriage without some family members
That night, my mom and I called my dad and let him know that I had gotten married. Although he was sad, he respected me enough to understand my choices. Over the years, we had rekindled our relationship and I realised that he wanted reassurance that he had a place in my life.
When I told my brothers about our marriage, their initial reaction was okay. But over the following months there was some tension around the subject. I see it as a personal decision that I had made and it was right for me and Mark, our mental health and our future.
It proved my view that having a very small wedding was the right thing to do. Because mine and Mark's parents had split up, we did not have to focus on mentally draining things like seating arrangements or awkward encounters; we were able to enjoy our wedding day.
Our happy ever after
I think it's given us a really good foundation for our marriage because it was about us, rather than confirming to other people's expectations. It strengthened all three of us and that's what was important.
It seems that often, the world wants you to fit into a mould, and when you don't fit, you begin to feel that you are weird. But we're learning to not worry about other people's opinions and perceptions.
Mark and I have been married for thirteen years and our story often inspires those around us to be authentic. We still relive those moments. We often go for picnics, scream in the car whenever we feel anxious and we always have lots of fun.
Clare Sandiford is an ambassador, blogger, and mental health advocate. She currently designs and sells products to aid mental health. You can find out more about her here.
All views expressed in this article are the author's own.
As told to Newsweek associate editor, Carine Harb.
