Widowed Mom Backed for Wanting Stepson to Leave Despite Having No Family

A widowed mom has been backed online for wanting her stepson to leave home, despite him having no place to go.

In a popular post shared by user fisher7 to Mumsnet, the woman explained that she has been part of her stepson's life since he was 6. He sadly lost his birth mom in 2013 and his dad passed away in 2020.

According to the Childhood Bereavement Estimation Model (CBEM), an estimated 5.6 million children in the U.S. will experience the death of a parent or sibling by age 18.

Following the death of his father, the teenager didn't want to live with his aunt, who is his only living blood relative, and so opted to stay with the original poster (OP) and her son, 13.

OP said her stepson is drinking alcohol most days as well as smoking weed. As a result of this, their relationship has broken down and she wants him to leave, but feels "awful".

Writing about the bereavement, fisher7 said: "He attended counseling for a while but then stopped as he said it wasn't helping, he did go back to his old self eventually and seemed to have been coping fine."

She explains he had only ever drunk alcohol once before the age of 18, but since becoming legally allowed, he has been going out "almost every day."

She said: "He's even smoked weed a few times. He spends most of his day on his Xbox [and] he doesn't help around the house with tidying."

Talking about a recent event, fisher7 explained he refused to scrape and wash his plate after dinner.

"I told him he's an adult now etc which led to him shouting that I'm not his mum so I can't tell him what to do, he hates me, wishes I died, and not his dad."

She explains the argument erupted and her son tried to intervene but the stepson "pushed him and went to his room."

Expert Advice

Newsweek reached out to Chloe Carmichael, author of Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety, who offered the following advice.

"She could frame the message from a place of mutual self-respect by explaining that she doesn't want to enable his self-destructive behaviors by allowing him to continue the current dysfunctional pattern because it is unhealthy for both of them. She may also want to tell him she'd like him to return for Sunday meals (or whatever family routine involves chances for interaction and the potential to repair the relationship).

'You're Not Being Unreasonable'

It isn't uncommon for Mumsnet users to ask other people on the forum if they are being unreasonable or not. In this case, many have backed fisther7, as did Carmichael.

"It is not unreasonable to ask an adult to leave one's home because they are treating you disrespectfully. In fact, sometimes it can be a reality check that helps people to realize their behavior is pushing people away," told Carmichael.

"Depending on her relationship, she may want to pair the request that he leave with an emphasis on her love for him, and an offer for him to remain if he makes a commitment to change his behavior," she added.

More than 255 users flocked to the comments to sympathize with both the stepson and widow.

One user said: "That poor boy though. Maybe it would be good for him to have a break at his aunt's house and let everything cool down a bit."

"Yes, he is grieving but needs boundaries too," wrote another.

"You are not being unreasonable. You are a single mother/widow with other kids, and he is a growing man given his aggressive behavior, you are vulnerable here, as are your darling children. This behavior will just get worse. He needs to go to his aunt," stated another.

Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.