Woman Backed for Disinviting Adopted Sister From Wedding: 'Beyond Upset'

A bride-to-be has been backed online after she made the decision to disinvite her adopted sister from her wedding.

The post, shared by Reddit user u/thorwawayyyyyythro, was captioned "I don't think we will ever speak to each other again" and received over 16,000 upvotes.

The youngest of two children, the poster explained that her parents had always wanted a big family but had a string of miscarriages and turned to adoption.

Therapist Leslyn Kantner, of Harmony Counseling Center in West Grove, Pennsylvania, told Newsweek: "Adoption is a great blessing for most parents that are looking to add to their family. No matter the reason they are adopting, the typical parental unit is seeking to offer a home and family to a child that may otherwise not know either. Some might say that those children who are wanted on such a deep level are the most blessed children."

But just seven months after adopting a baby girl through a closed adoption, they conceived a baby.

The Redditor explained: "For context, my parents and I are white, my sister is Hispanic and Black."

Growing up, the girls were best friends and did everything together. "People said we acted like twins," wrote the poster. "We stayed best friends until adulthood until she found her biological family."

"At first I was happy for her. My sister always said that she felt like something was missing and finding her family seemed to be the missing piece," said the Redditor.

But before long she started to treat their parents differently, berating them for choosing to adopt and telling them that "transracial adoption was wrong."

"She said that the experience was traumatizing to her and that she wasn't properly prepared for being a POC [person of color] due to their color blindness," explained the poster. "I stayed out of it. But when she made my mom cry after a particularly cruel remark I started distancing myself from her."

Despite the relationship breakdown, the poster still wanted her sister to be a part of her wedding and kept her as her maid of honor.

But the poster's mind was changed when her sister posted a picture of herself with her biological family and captioned it: "It's been such a relief to find my real family. I finally feel like I'm home."

"I was beyond upset," said the Redditor. " I never, ever thought of her as anything less than my sister. But apparently, I was never a sister to her. I didn't trust myself to call her, so I sent a text. 'Since you don't see me as your real sister, there's no reason for you and your boyfriend to come to my wedding.'"

After sending this message, the poster blocked her number and her sister quickly blocked her too.

"I'm heartbroken about losing my sister," said the bride-to-be. "And I'm heartbroken that I never had one in the first place."

Online, Reddit users backed the woman's actions. One commenter said: "Sounds like she's unpacking a lot regarding her identity and is unfairly lashing out. That doesn't mean you or your parents have to put up with it. Keep your distance while she figures herself out."

"Just because she is finding herself doesn't give her the right to be cruel to others," agreed another reply.

"Some families are able to blend bio parents into their family structure with great success acknowledging with gratitude that there was both a birthing and a raising," explained Kantner. "Others feel jealous, resentment, and bitterness for various aspects of that process."

In an update a few days later, the Redditor shared how things had become worse. Her parents treated the sisters to dinner, and although the poster couldn't make it, her sister agreed to go.

"From what my mom told me, the topic of my sister's adoption came up. They got into a fight about it in the middle of a crowded restaurant," she wrote. "It ended after my sister said that my parents should have accepted that their miscarriages were a sign from God that they weren't meant to be parents."

"My parents aren't perfect, but they didn't deserve that. Nobody does. I'm tired of making excuses for my sister," said the distraught woman. "She's not in my life anymore. I sent her one final text that said, 'I can't believe you would say that to mom. What the f*** is wrong with you? Don't contact me again. Go be with your 'real' family, and leave us the hell alone.'"

"The most important element here is that everyone stays open to try and recognize the internal conflict the adoptee may feel and not judge her feelings," said Kantner. "Having said that, we can't assume the adoptee has the emotional intelligence to handle the conflict maturely. The healthiest thing that could happen would be for her to find a good family therapist so that she can discern the conflict and learn to communicate clearly—without anger—to the people she has known to be her family."

Newsweek has reached out to u/thorwawayyyyyythro for comment. We were unable to verify the details of this case.