Woman Bashed for Telling Husband He Is 'Unreliable' During Emergencies

A woman was criticized in a popular internet forum for telling her husband he is "unreliable" during emergencies after he fell asleep with his phone on silent.

The Original Poster (OP), known as u/Individual-Scar34, posted about the incident in Reddit's "Am I The A**hole" forum where it received nearly 14,000 upvotes and 5,200 comments. The post can be found here.

Expectations in Relationships

Craig Kain, Ph.D., California-based licensed psychologist, told Newsweek that individuals are entitled to have expectations within relationships.

"We all do," Kain said. "The key to successful relationships is that your expectations have to sync with those of the person with whom you're involved. The difficulty is that most of us aren't aware of our expectations and aren't able to express our expectations early on in our relationships."

It is important to clearly express expectations within close relationships—platonic or romantic—and "the sooner the better," Kain said.

"I suggest people keep these conversations simple. But don't forget to define terms that may not have a shared meaning," he said. "What is 'now?' What is 'quickly?' What does it mean to 'take care of something?'"

Kain also said it is important to have clear and upfront expectations regarding phones and potential emergencies.

"To prevent arguments, I encourage people to have a shared definition of what is an emergency," he said. "Don't assume the definition is shared. I've had to have very clear and specific conversations about this with my family...I will admit, though, that it's been difficult for my son to remember that needing more Nintendo-time is not a life-threatening crisis."

'AITA?'

In the post titled "AITA for waking my husband up to drive me to pick up my car when I left my keys in my locker at work?" the OP said this all occurred a few weeks ago when she left her car keys at work.

The OP, who works nights, said she didn't realize she left her keys until 30 minutes later when she got to the subway station where she'd parked.

"I called my husband to ask him to bring me the spare key. Twenty-two times," the post read. "I tried my son, but he was asleep."

She said she did not want to contact many people since it was after midnight, but was worried about getting her car before 2 a.m. when tickets are given out.

While in an Uber home from the subway station, the OP continued to call her husband hoping he would hear it ringing, but was "pretty upset" he didn't answer after 22 calls.

"When I got home, I went inside and up to the bedroom and woke him up," the post read. "I was pissed that had this been a serious emergency, I wouldn't have been able to get through to him."

She then discovered that her husband's phone was on silent and he could not hear it vibrating while she called.

"He complained that I was mad at him for something I did. I replied that no, I was mad at ME for forgetting my keys. That was 100% on me," the post read. "I was mad at HIM for not having his phone on and that he's unreliable in an emergency, which thankfully, this wasn't a huge one."

But now the OP is wondering if she was TA for waking her husband up and being upset that she couldn't reach him during a "potential" emergency.

She told Newsweek that she was surprised by the responses and that she was voted "TA" when it seemed that many commenters were backing her.

Redditor Reactions

Over 5,200 users commented on the post, with the majority voting the OP "TA" in the situation.

"YTA. He's right: your mad at him for something you did," one user commented. "Him having his phone in silent was an accident, just like you forgetting your keys. No one except you did anything to you here."

"Your first move here should have been taking an uber home. Calling someone 22 times in a row should be reserved for emergencies only," another commented. "You could have 100% solved this non-emergency situation yourself. But you decided to make it everyone else's problem."

"You took one moment where everything was stacked against your husband that he didn't hear his phone go off, ignored his reasonable explanation, and jumped to 'you're unreliable in an emergency,'" another commented. "That's not a reasonable way to talk through a conflict."

"YTA. This wasn't an emergency...so you woke him up after midnight to yell at him for not waking up? Charming," another commented. "What was so bad about waiting until morning to speak to him and ask he recheck his settings? Not sure why you preferred to stew on your way home and start an argument at an ungodly hour over a mistake you made."

But other users said they were confused by the majority of responses.

"NTA. This is a weird one. I didn't realize so many people would be okay with their spouse being out of reach (unless it was something you both knew about ahead of time)," one user commented.

"I don't get the y t a 's. NTA I get what you are saying. My dad went through a very serious emergency a few years ago, and I live out of state," one user commented. "My mom kept trying to call my sister who lives 20 minutes from them, but her phone was dead...and while yours was not a true emergency this time, I understand why you are worried about what you would do if you had a true emergency in the future."

"NAH here, to be honest," another commented. "Calling someone 22 times and not having them pick up is worrisome for future emergencies. But it wasn't an emergency. He was tired and sleeping...I'd chalk this one up to everyone be tired, stressed, and cranky. Learn and move forward."

Other Viral Posts

Commenters were shocked by another viral post in which a woman said her husband forgot about their anniversary and instead planned a trip with his female friend.

In another post, a man was slammed for "tricking" his wife into cooking for his two children because he wanted to attend a party. Another man was criticized online after expecting his girlfriend's help following a motorcycle accident.