Woman Criticized for Wanting to 'Rehome' Adopted Daughters Through Facebook

A mother was criticized for wanting to "rehome" her two adopted daughters and asking her ex to "take them" since the agency "cheated her out of a hapa child."

The original poster (OP), known as u/Sad_Cantaloupe_7175, posted about the situation in Reddit's popular "Am I The A**hole" forum where it received nearly 8,000 upvotes and 1,500 comments. The post can be found here.

Adoptions and 'Rehoming'

Although it is unclear where the OP and family are located, a report published by the U.S. Department of State in June said that of all 2021 adoptions by Americans, 1,568 were finalized abroad and 217 were finalized in the United States.

No more than 2 percent of Americans have adopted, meaning only one in 50 children are adopted, according to the Adoption Network. Data from 2020 estimated that more than 407,000 children were in foster care in America.

Although the DOS report attempted to calculate state-reported data about children who entered foster care after intercountry adoptions, only five states prepared data.

Parents who are interested in "rehoming" a child, which involves the illegal and unregulated custody transfer of a child to another person or family, often cite behavioral issues as a reason for "unadopting" the child.

In May 2020, YouTuber Myka Stauffer "rehomed" her 4-year-old son who the family adopted from China less than three years prior.

The lifestyle blogger and her husband James came under fire on social media after revealing their decision about their son Huxley, who is autistic and also has a brain tumor.

'AITA?'

In the post titled "AITA for making a complaint to CPS?" the OP explained that he had two children from a previous relationship but married a woman, Sally, who had four biological children and two adopted daughters with her ex.

Together, the couple has one biological child, making them a family of 11.

The OP said his son and daughter, his and Sally's son, and Sally's adopted daughters all live in the home full time while Sally's biological children spend two weeks with their dad.

He explained that the two adopted daughters, an 11-year-old from Columbia and a 7-year-old from South Korea, live full time with them because Sally's ex "doesn't want anything to do with them" because he "has the daughter he always wanted."

Recently, Sally and the OP decided to get a divorce, leaving Sally to move into her mother's in-law suite with all her children.

'Hapa Child'

"Sally wants to leave her adopted girls with me as part of the divorce proceedings as she too doesn't want them," the post read. "She feels she has a bio daughter and has no need for them anymore. She is extra adamant that she should not have them as the adoption agency cheated her out of a hapa child."

Hapa is short for the Hawaiian word hapalua, meaning "half," and often refers to people with mixed ethnic ancestry.

The term originated as a derogatory way to refer to the children of Hawaiian women and plantation guest workers from the Philippines, Korea, China and Japan during the early 20th century. Although NPR reported mixed-race individuals in Hawaii have grown to embrace the term.

The OP said Sally's 7-year-old is not Eurasian "as she had hoped" but half Vietnamese and South Korean.

Removal Triggered

"I don't want them as I have never been a father figure and the girls still talk about her ex as their dad despite no contact for so long," the post read. "I simply can't afford more children than what I already have. I made a report to CPS when she mentioned she would re-home them if I wouldn't take them."

The OP called CPS who contacted the workplace of Sally's ex since he works with children. The OP said he was placed on temporary unpaid leave while CPS investigated him and Sally for neglect.

"In the meantime CPS has custody of all her children. My son is with me," the post read.

He said Sally doesn't "understand" why he won't "take them" since he has space in his house and has experience with girls since he has a daughter.

"She says I overreacted and we could have solved this in a different way," the post read. "AITA for reporting to CPS?"

In the comments, the OP said he told CPS that Sally was searching on Facebook for possible families to "rehome" her daughters to.

"I informed them of the two people/families that she found on Facebook to give her adopted daughters to," the comment read. "That triggered the removal and the living conditions were not good either even if it was a temporary accommodation until she finds a new place."

"When I said no she went and found two people/families on Facebook to give them to," the OP said in another comment. "Abandoning children like that is illegal here."

Redditor Reactions

More than 1,500 users commented on the post, many supporting the OP for calling child protective services.

"Those poor kids. They adopted the kids and then had a daughter so they no longer need or want them?" one user commented. "Who are these awful people[?] Kids aren't dogs you rehome. I guess you had no other choice, I don't know what else you could do. NTA."

"NTA for calling CPS. 'Rehoming' literal children is so disgusting I don't even like thinking about it," another commented.

"I have four rescue dogs and I would never ever ever treat my dogs like that," another commented.

"Adopted children, particularly internationally adopted ones, who are 'rehomed' by their adoptive parents outside of the system, often end up trafficked and horrifically abused because the parents don't care or understand how to properly vet potential families."

Newsweek reached out to u/Sad_Cantaloupe_7175 for comment.

'Shopping for a Baby'

In July, a woman went viral on TikTok after sharing her traumatic adoption experience and why adoption is a "scam."

The woman said that "many" adoptive families are looking for a baby of a specific race or specific look—sometimes getting as specific as hair and eye color or weight.

"You'd be surprised to find out how common that is," she said. "There are so many of these families out here, these adoptive families, that are shopping for a baby. They're shopping for a specific look."

In another viral TikTok, a woman exposed a child "rehoming" ad from an adoption agency in Ogden, Utah.