Woman Slammed for Suggesting Partner Go No Contact with Young Son

Commenters slammed a woman who suggested her boyfriend go no contact with his 3-year-old son for his own "mental health."

The Original Poster (OP), known as u/carrot-i-am, posted about the situation in Reddit's popular "Am I The A**hole" forum where it received nearly 7,000 upvotes and 4,700 comments. The post can be found here.

Family Estrangement

When people refer to "going no contact" with family members, they are referring to the act of deliberately cutting off all communication with a particular person—often a toxic parent. This is also commonly referred to as estrangement.

One in four American adults are estranged from their families, according to research by sociologist Karl Pillemer.

The United States Census estimates that about 7 million fathers are estranged from their children, with about 42 percent of "absent" fathers reporting at least monthly contact with their child living elsewhere.

'AITA?'

In the post titled "AITA for suggesting my partner goes NC with his son for 6 months?", the OP said her boyfriend had a child with his ex-girlfriend when they were 17 and 18 years old.

The man's ex decided to keep the child and broke up with him, which left him "destroyed" because he never wanted to be a father.

The OP said she came into her boyfriend's life three years ago—a month after his son was born. Now that the child is older, the OP and her boyfriend have taken care of him for a weekend once every month or two, saying they live more than two hours apart and "have a lot of commitments that cannot happen if we are looking after him."

"All of these weekends are hell for my partner, and just keep getting worse and worse," the post read. "He puts on a happy face around his son and his family so that he doesn't hurt anyone or create conflict. But every time we are alone, he breaks down in tears."

Recently, the OP's boyfriend received a text message from his ex "accusing him of abandoning his child" by seeing him for a few days every one to two months.

"She told him he was a terrible person for this. That he needs to step up. Since then, every time he remembers he has a son he falls apart," the post read. "It's heartbreaking to watch him suffer. Since we've met he has always spoken about wishing he could go back and change things so he wasn't a dad."

'Hates His Son'

The OP said her boyfriend tells her how he "hates his son and ex" and she recently suggested that he "take a break" from them for six months and find a counselor.

"This would mean no contact with his son or his ex," the post read. "After the 6 months, we could re-evaluate and see whether he would be able to cope with being a part of his son's life. I'm just so worried about his mental health."

Since their initial conversation, the OP said her boyfriend seems "brighter and less pessimistic" and has thanked her for encouraging him to seek help.

"I've spoken with a few good friends about it and they have called me an AH for pulling my partner away from his son," the post read. "That he needs to get over it and be the dad his son needs him to be."

The OP said her boyfriend is also nervous for his parents to find out, since they love their grandchild, and she told him that just because he isn't seeing his child doesn't mean they can't.

"Deep inside I feel I am TA, but stand by my proposition because his mental health does matter, it's not something that can be pushed aside and forgotten about," the post read. "So Reddit, AITA for suggesting my partner go NC with his son?"

Redditor Reactions

More than 4,700 users commented on the post, many criticizing the OP for suggesting that her boyfriend go no contact with his son.

"So...your solution is to make him abandon his toddler?" one user commented receiving nearly 20,000 upvotes. "Get outta here with that BS. You're using his mental health as an excuse when what he needs to do is step up and be responsible for his life choices. He doesn't need you enabling his bad behavior. You both are YTA if that's not abundantly clear."

"YTA!!! The child is 3 years old and the dad isn't even doing the bare minimum for him and you want him to go no contact!?!" another user commented. "Have him get a vasectomy, parenting classes, and therapy for him to become a better Father not to abandon a child he created! And if you want to be Childfree cool now go date a man without children!"

"You don't go no contact with a child; you NEGLECT a child," another user commented. "If your partner has a small child he only sees one weekend every other month, he's already doing that."

"Pretty sure neglect requires you to still be (somewhat) present," one user commented. "This is straight up abandonment."

Newsweek reached out to u/carrot-i-am for comment.

Other Viral Posts

In another viral Reddit post, a woman was supported for refusing to raise her estranged father's daughter after both he and his wife died in an accident.

Another woman was also praised online after banning her son from seeing his grandparents and one man was told to get professional help after revealing he "cannot stand" his daughter.