Woman Staying Rent-Free at Boyfriend's House Dragged: 'Almost Moved In'

A woman venting about her roommate's "sneaky" girlfriend living in their rented home for free has found support online.

Sharing her frustration with Mumsnet's Am I Being Unreasonable? (AIBU) forum on October 30, user summerclocks explained that her roommate's new girlfriend has been staying at their house five or six days a week, despite not paying toward rent or bills.

Describing the girlfriend as "careless," summerclocks and the other roommates have been stuck with the extra cost of her water and electricity usage. The girlfriend has also been "stealing" their parking spots, working remotely from their home, and bringing guests over unannounced, causing disharmony in the household and "exhausting" the poster.

Home Sweet Home?

A 2021 survey by apartmentguide.com found that those with roommates were less satisfied with their living situation. Researchers asked 1,000 U.S. adults who they lived with and how satisfied they were with the arrangement and found that only 31 percent of people sharing with a roommate were happy.

Those with more than one roommate are even less likely to be satisfied with their home life. Just 25 percent of respondents with two roommates said they were happy with their living arrangement, while only 26 percent were happy co-habiting with three or more roommates.

Arguments over keeping shared spaces clean seemed to be the biggest point of contention, according to 41.2 percent of respondents. While 8.9 percent reported conflict over rent, and 5.3 percent complained about their roommates having too many guests.

'Doesn't Even Live Here'

In her post, summerclocks explained that she lived in a shared house with three other people. One of her roommates just got a new girlfriend who currently spends most of her time at their house.

"[She] basically lives in our house now," she wrote. "They have been together for about two months and she spends at least five to six days a week in our house."

Initially, summerclocks didn't have an issue with the girlfriend staying over, but she's begun to cost them money and use their things without permission, with parking a particular bugbear.

"The house has three allocated parking spaces for the three people in our house with cars," she said.

"She always parks in whatever space is empty when she comes around, not just her boyfriend's but also mine or my other housemates. I work until late and it's very annoying to have to come home to fight for my parking space. When none of our spaces are available, she takes up our neighbors!"

As well as ignoring summerclocks' request not to use her parking space, the girlfriend's use of water and electricity is causing the bills to surge.

"She works from home so when her bf is out she'll stay here all day like it's her house, has up to two baths a day and usually uses the oven for meals and leaves all lights on," she said.

"She does all her washing here and even has friends over when her bf is not around like this is her house. It is very frustrating that she's almost moved in and having all this for free.

"I am just exhausted [from] having to put up with someone that doesn't even live here or even contributes to this house yet causes all of our problems!"

'Boundaries Are Important'

Chase Cassine, a behavioral health specialist at DePaul Community Health Centers in New Orleans, said that roommate issues often stem from a lack of healthy boundaries.

"We all know boundaries are important in theory, but it may pose a struggle when put into practice," he told Newsweek.

"Some people were reared in a home with no boundaries, or very rigid or strict boundaries, which in turn shapes the behavior."

However, people-pleasing behavior—such as avoiding conflict or overaccommodating others—is not the answer and can lead to resentment and mental exhaustion.

"If you are not addressing the issue, the problem will continue on," he said.

"Acknowledge how you honestly feel, learn to identify boundary violations and set healthier boundaries to protect your mental health."

After reading her story, Mumsnet users were frustrated on summerclocks' behalf, with girlmom21 recommending that she "check her tenancy agreement."

"I'd suggest costs start being split five ways instead of four," she commented. "If she refuses, she's not welcome more than two nights a week and needs to work and bathe at home."

TwoBlueFish suggested getting together with her other housemates and implementing some rules.

"No being there when the bf isn't there, no parking in any of your spaces or neighbors spaces, only allowed to stay over x nights per week, no doing her washing there, etc," she said.

SpiritRanger told summerclocks to speak to her roommate about his girlfriend's behavior directly. However, summerclocks explained they had already tried this approach, to no avail.

"We have asked him to please tell her to go home when he's not around because she is a stranger to us," she wrote in an update.

"Sometimes we are all out for work and she's the only one in the house. She is very sneaky and is very careful about not meeting us in the hallway or kitchen as she knows we strongly dislike her."

VoiceofMarion recommended that the poster just try and move out, writing: "I've been in these situations and to be honest you can't win. Talk to the landlord but other than that I'd say move, these problems rarely go away."