Fury Over Cheating Dad Wanting To Sit Partner Front-Row at Family Funeral

A woman has asked the AIBU (Am I Being Unreasonable?) forum on Mumsnet for advice on a complex family issue following the sad death of her sister. In the post, user Naughtybutnice76 describes how her sister tragically took her own life and the funeral is coming up next week.

She writes: "Her son's [19] wishes are that we as a family (mum, dad, sister, son) travel in the car and sit together at the funeral. My mum and dad are separated. My Dad wants his partner on the front row with us, the same woman he had an affair with while my parents were married. Is it unreasonable to ask that she doesn't sit with us? We all get along, that isn't the issue. It just feels like this should be a time where family wishes come first. AIBU?"

Families And Divorce

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), infidelity in the United States accounts for 20-40 percent of divorces. A study published by the National Institutes of Health (NIH), showed one partner in 88% of divorced couples studied cited infidelity as a major contributing factor.

Non-profit organization Kindred Media states in an article posted to their website: "Regardless of their age, children whose parents have been unfaithful often react with intense feelings of anger, anxiety, guilt, shame, sadness, and confusion. They may act out, regress, or withdraw. They may feel pressured to win back the love of the unfaithful parent or to become the caretaker of the betrayed parent."

In a later response, the original poster gave some context on her situation with her father and his partner.

"Thank you so much for all your replies. For context my father and his partner have now been together for a long time but my mum and dad have not spoken until now, very messy divorce. No other partners will be in cars or on the front row.

"I have tried to look at it from all perspectives but ultimately my feeling is why can't my dad also consider that, like pp have said, a son has lost his mother and a mum has lost her daughter, their child together. Why is this just about what my Dad wants? This is a woman who thought it appropriate to come to be by my father's side, on the day it happened, outside his daughters house with her friend in tow? Am I wrong to feel like he should also show some respect for the mother of his child?"

Online Response

The online response was fairly mixed, with some saying the son's wishes should be respected, while others commented that the father has also lost a daughter and will want his supportive partner there.

User Somtronic commented: "I'm so sorry for your loss. I think it's reasonable that immediate family only sit in the front row. I've been at family funerals where the children of the deceased sit in the front row and their spouses sit behind them. I don't think it's a big ask for her to sit with other family members further back if it is your nephew's preference."

RosieLemonadeAndSugar agreed, writing: "I really don't think its fair that the mom who's lost her daughter has to sit with the affair partner on one of the hardest days of her life. Immediate family. Follow the son's wishes. His partner can support him, she doesn't need to be sitting next to him."

BlueShoesKate disagreed: "If the nephew doesn't have enough empathy for his grandfather, who has lost his daughter, to allow him the comfort of his partner… his wishes really don't matter. Affair or not, your dad can sit with his partner, and if he's relegated to a different seat, so be it. That would be pointlessly cruel though."

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