Woman Supported for Wanting Time Away from Disabled Husband

Commenters in a popular internet forum supported a woman for telling her disabled husband she wanted time alone with friends.

The Original Poster (OP), known as u/MthrowRA32577, posted about the situation in Reddit's "Am I The A******" where it received over 16,400 upvotes and 3,300 comments. The post can be found here.

Signs of Isolation

Martha Teater, LMFT, told Newsweek that it is normal for couples to want time alone from one another.

"It's usually best when each partner has time alone, time with friends, and time as a couple," Teater said. "Sometimes the desire for time alone is different between each of them, so working through this is necessary to avoid misunderstandings."

In addition to having time away from each other, it is important for couples to ensure that they are not being isolated.

She added that a major sign of isolation includes an individual discouraging their partner from spending time with friends and family.

"Isolating your partner isn't healthy for the relationship. It could indicate jealousy or a lack of trust," she said. "It could also mean that your partner wants you to only spend time with her or him, and not have other meaningful relationships. Isolation is often a feature of emotional abuse, so it's important to work on this before things worsen."

Other signs of isolation include an individual criticizing their partner's friend and family and attempting to "put a wedge" between them.

"Those signs mean it's time to share your observations and why this is upsetting to you," Teater said.

'AITA?'

In the post titled "AITA for not letting my husband sit with us during girls night in?" the OP said her husband, 35, is in a wheelchair and is always home.

"Because he needs me around to assist him, I'd have him and his chair nearby while I do laundry or cook or clean," the post read. "He's with me most of the time except for when I go to the bathroom, but even then he'd complain about me being away for so long. I don't even go shopping, everything gets delivered to our home."

She added that she has not seen her friends or family for some time because her husband refused to join her and also refused to stay home with someone else. She also said that her husband doesn't like her being "out of sight" for more than a few minutes.

"I sometimes have to bring him near the bathroom so he could wait for me with the DOOR OPEN if I'm taking more time," the post read. "He isn't sociable by nature, so he doesn't have friends."

The OP said she hasn't spent time with her friends for a while and that they made plans to have a girls night at her house since she cannot be away from home at night.

When she asked her husband for privacy with her friends, he interpreted it as her being "annoyed and bothered" by him. She assured him this was not the case, but he insisted that he sit with her and her friends while they hung out.

"I absolutely refused and tried explaining that my friends and I need privacy and this is the only time we spend together," the post read. "I also explained that having him sit with us would ruin the purpose of girls night in. He threw a hissy fit and called me selfish and rude for refusing."

Now, the OP's husband is giving her the "cold shoulder" and told her that he would not be speaking to her until she agreed to include him. He also told her that he would not let her friends in the house if she continued to "exclude" him.

"AITA for choosing "this hill" to die on according to him?" the post read.

Redditor Reactions

More than 3,300 users commented on the post, many criticizing the woman's husband for being "controlling."

"NTA he's using his disability to guilt trip you into having no friends or time for yourself," one user said receiving over 43,000 upvotes. "It is unbelievably creepy and wrong he complains about you having bathroom breaks. He is toxic and controlling."

"To me it sounds like he has weaponised his disability to try and take full control of OP's life," another said. "OP NTA but you will be if you keep letting him exert this amount of control over you."

"He is isolating and punishing you. Let him know you will be setting boundaries if this behaviour continues," another user said. "Either he seeks therapy to deal with his new reality or he risks losing you. He doesn't need you 24/7. I would go further and say the girls night in will be a girls night out. NTA but he is."

"Isolating and punishing someone for having their own life is abusive behavior. I know the husband is disabled but I think OP is in an abusive or at least toxic marriage," another said.

"NTA. This is abuse. You would be well within your rights to leave this relationship - the bathroom thing alone is completely abnormal," another said. "He won't 'let' you do things? It's not up to him."

Other Viral Posts

In another viral Reddit post, a woman stirred debate for refusing to pay for half her boyfriend's rent after moving in.

Another woman was cheered online after refusing to babysit her son's girlfriend's baby. In another post, a couple was slammed for arguing about fancy knives in their kitchen.