Boyfriend Choosing His Work Party Over Partner's Graduation Sparks Outrage

A recent graduate has asked Mumsnet if they are being unreasonable for being upset that their boyfriend is putting pressure on them to skip their graduation ceremony in favor of his overnight work party.

In the post, user spuddy56 explained that they "have a degree level graduation to attend for the CIM course I self-funded and worked really hard on around my full-time work. It was really tough to do, especially as it was all distance learning, and I'm so glad I got through."

CIM stands for the Chartered Institute of Marketing, which is based in the U.K.

They went on to explain that it clashes with their boyfriends work party, which is "at the other end of the country and he is putting the pressure on to attend that instead as 'its a free night in a spa hotel.'" They further said that they were "really looking forward to going as I missed my university graduation due to being away on a scholarship course. The whole thing is just a mess now and he is being really grumpy about it. Aibu [Am I being unreasonable] to just say no to the party and maybe even go on my own? My grandparents have also cancelled on me due to train tickets etc. So I've wasted over $120 buying tickets for everyone thinking they might be proud of me."

Eighty-two percent of Mumsnet users voted that spuddy56 was not being unreasonable to be upset about the situation. According to the Education Data Initiative, one in four U.S. high school graduates who enrolled in college in 2022 will graduate after four years. In addition, 31.6 percent of associate's degree (two-year courses) students actually graduate.

Jason Best, licensed clinical social worker, Chicago-based therapist and founder of Best Therapies, told Newsweek: "Graduating, and ceremonies, are not a universally important event. Some people skip these ceremonies, and some struggle to see why they are important. What is very clear here is that [it] is very important to the person writing this, and that their partner either doesn't get it, or doesn't care. I encourage people in similar situations to try and ground discussions around an important event in your feelings. Don't say 'graduations are important,' as if there is an objective consensus, say instead 'this is truly important to me, I'd feel deeply sad if I missed it.' Your partner should be able to understand that more clearly. However, if you're really clear and they still are dismissive, then you have to really consider if this is really a relationship you want. Being in a relationship with someone who cares about your feelings is really the absolute minimum requirement of a healthy relationship."

Users in the comments were generally supportive of the original poster.

User GroggyLegs said, "You'll get another opportunity to stay in a hotel, you won't get another opportunity to graduate. You earned it, enjoy it & be proud."

User Strangerthings4NW wrote: "He won't be your boyfriend for much longer with that s***** attitude, you deserve better. Ditch him and go get your hard earned degree and be proud of yourself!!"

User OrigamiOwls commented: "I'd be very upset if my BF [boyfriend] didn't want to go to my graduation after all that hard work. His work will have another do next year, you are unlikely to be having another graduation."

Newsweek could not verify the details of the case.