Fury as Mom Plans to Cancel Christmas at In-Laws' to Keep Toddler Happy

More than 1,200 people have accused a mom of being "unreasonable" for wanting to cancel a sleepover at her in-laws over Christmas.

In a popular post shared to Mumsnet, user HallieM93, explained she has a 20-month-old son who is currently waiting for an autism assessment. She mentioned he recently slept at her parents' house but was an "absolute nightmare."

The stay-at-home mom has decided she doesn't want to sleep at her in-laws on Christmas day as it will change his routine again, but other users have stated it's only "one day."

However, a child psychologist told Newsweek that the parents should do what is best for their child, even if it means canceling the Christmas sleepover.

The Importance of Routines

Charissa Chamorro has highlighted how a routine can make a child feel "safe and secure." The supervising psychologist at the Icahn School of Medicine in New York City spoke to Newsweek about the benefits of sticking to a routine, even during special occasions like Christmas.

"Routines are incredibly important for children, especially babies, and toddlers as this makes them feel safe and secure. During the toddler period, children often feel like they don't have a lot of control over their lives. This can lead to frustration and acting out as they attempt to exert some control over their environment.

"When toddlers have well-established and predictable routines, this helps them understand what will come next. It gives them some sense of predictability and control. We can still change routines for special occasions and holidays, however, each family should assess what is right for their family. For a child with special needs, changes and routines can be particularly challenging," she told Newsweek.

Instinctive Parenting

The Mumsnet user has pointed out her son is able to climb out of the travel cot and only slept for a total of three hours at his most recent sleepover.

She wrote: "I want to change our plans to just an afternoon visit (maybe for dinner?) between his afternoon nap and bedtime so as not to cause any more disruptions to his routine."

However, she fears this will disappoint her in-laws and her partner "will likely sulk."

She said: "I just think that overtiredness and overstimulation could ruin that for him. Also on a selfish level, it would be me that would have to battle with him for hours to nap and sleep at bedtime whilst everyone else drinks!"

Chamorro advises parents of special needs children to "follow their instincts" about what to do, rather than following what they might have read in a parenting book or have been told by a well-meaning relative.

Speaking to Newsweek, Chamorro said: "Often children with special needs rely on predictability and routine to provide a sense of stability. Children who have special needs may also react more strongly when their routine is changed.

"If parents have been noting that there are challenging behaviors or that a child is having difficulty managing their emotions, particularly when changes occur, these parents should follow their instincts and provide the most stable environment they can for their child while they are awaiting more information about their child's condition.

"Adults often expect children to be flexible, but sometimes adults need to be flexible when that is in the child's best interest. For a planned holiday, perhaps it could be a one-day event, or family members could visit the home where the child lives. There are lots of ways to be creative about spending time with family while also making sure that this child's needs are met."

What Do the Comments Say?

More than 365 people have commented on the post and 2055 have voted on the poll. The results found that 60 percent of the respondents voted "you are being unreasonable."

"YABU - It's one day. Get on with it," commented a user.

"Yabu, It's one day & the plans are made. Get your husband to put some effort into parenting too," agreed another user.

However, some parents speaking from experience have backed the woman.

One said: "Yanbu [you are not being unreasonable]. I've had to do the same since DS was diagnosed with autism. He doesn't cope well with changes to routines and new environments. It's stressful for everyone and not worth [the] hassle."

Another wrote: "All the people saying to suck it up clearly don't have the same issues as you so just ignore them. You know your child - they do not. If you know it'll be a challenge for your child and other people trying to sleep in the house, do what you need to do. Besides, if you're there for the day it probably isn't even an issue!"

Newsweek wasn't able to verify the details of the case.

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