Is It OK to Refuse to Buy Gifts for Grandchild? Parent Sparks Debate Online

A soon-to-be grandma has generated an online debate over whether it's OK to say no to buying gifts, such as a cot and pram, for their grandchild that are thought to be some of the more expensive items on a parent's wish list.

In a post shared Tuesday on the U.K.-based online forum Mumsnet under the username Medvedgosha, the woman said her son and his girlfriend are having a baby in a couple of months and have asked her to buy a pram and a cot for the infant.

But the poster declined, saying that she's already paying rent for them since they're both still students and that should be enough.

The average price of a baby crib in the United States is between $170 and $900, according to The Pricer. The average price for a pram, according to Direct4Baby, can range between £90 ($102) and £2,500 ($2,818), if you're looking for a single, basic stroller.

Dr. Bahjat Balbous, a psychiatrist at Euromed Clinic Dubai, told Newsweek that the primary role of a parent of grown children is to enable the adult child to stand on their own two feet.

He said, "It can be challenging when parents are already overly involved with their adult children, hovering over them to ensure their children do not suffer in the least or have to endure any adversity."

He continued: "But this enabling style of parenting, where you rush in and remove any obstacles for the adult child, does not offer them the opportunity to learn a valuable lesson, which may make life worse for them in the long term.

"Of course, it is acceptable to help your child if they need it, as long as boundaries are set and there is a plan in place for the adult child to become independent," Balbous said.

Most of the 160 comments in the Mumsnet thread backed the original poster, saying her son should have been more responsible.

One user, luxxlisbon, commented: "No one can really tell you if you're being unreasonable or not, it's up to you to decide what you are comfortable with in terms of helping financially. It must be very stressful for them as students with a baby on the way."

Another user, Valeriekat, said: "Why are they even having a child? They sound incredibly irresponsible." And Cuppasoupmonster wrote: "Why are you paying their rent?! No [you are not being unreasonable], they need to learn the value of money and that you won't always be there to open your purse when they need something."

Twoandone said: "I can't imagine not wanting to buy something for a grandchild. I can't imagine paying my adult child's rent for them. Why are they having a baby they can't afford? If they're still studying and doing their best to carve a future for themselves then I would probably try to help if I could. They shouldn't expect you to be a third parent to this baby!"

BadNomad wrote: "The baby won't need a cot for a while. They can get a second-hand pram for cheap. The only thing a baby really needs new is a car seat. But I get the feeling this isn't about a pram or a cot. Are you annoyed that they are having a baby when they can't even house themselves?"

And nutbrownhare15 suggested: "I bought both secondhand for my own baby at a cost of less than £100. In your position that's what I'd also do."

Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.