Woman Refusing To Let Mother-in-Law Be at Birth for Only Grandson Backed

The internet has backed a mom who didn't let her mother-in-law be the first person to hold her baby, after she decided to go to a family friend's wedding, out of town, on the day of the delivery.

In a post shared on Reddit earlier this month, the mom, under the username u/Throwawwyal524655, explained that her mother-in-law is very protective of her husband as her only son, and sometimes comes across as controlling.

Families can be quite overwhelming, but most Americans still live within a reasonable distance from their extended family.

According to Pew Research Center, about 55 percent of U.S. adults say they live within an hour's drive of at least some of their extended family members.

Around 28 percent of Americans say they live near all or most of their extended family, and 27 percent live near some extended family.

Another 24 percent of adults say they live within an hour's drive of only a few family members, while one in five say they do not live near any extended family members.

When the woman got pregnant, her mother-in-law "demanded" to be the first person to hold the baby, but she then decided to attend a wedding out of town that day, so since she was gone having fun when the baby was born the woman asked her mom and sister to go help her, and they did hold the baby.

When her mother-in-law came back from the wedding, about two days after the baby's birth, and found out she wasn't the first one to hold the baby, together with her son she "threw a fit," blaming the new mom for being extremely selfish, and breaking their pact.

Her husband and mother-in-law were furious and told her what she did was "sneaky" and "cold-hearted," and that she ruined their memory of the firstborn, asking her to "fix" her mistake.

Yasmine Saad, licensed clinical psychologist, founder, and CEO of Madison Park Psychological Services, told Newsweek that this kind of behavior is quite uncommon for a mother-in-law. If she wanted to build a strong bond with the baby, it would have been best if she had been around, or lived with the daughter-in-law, and spoke to the baby when her daughter-in-law was pregnant, so she would be an already familiar figure for the baby who will recognize her voice and smell.

"If the mother-in-law has not been part of her daughter-in-law's pregnancy and she is the first to hold the baby, the baby might cry until the baby gets held by the most familiar person. It will not change the mother-baby bond, just bring more distress to everyone involved."

According to licensed clinical social worker Jennifer Bohr-Cuevas, the mother's sense of entitlement and level of self-absorption could be signs that she might be suffering from NPD, Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

She added that If the paternal grandmother were to hold the baby first, it would enable her narcissistic tendencies and create more difficulty in establishing future boundaries.

"It is very important for the baby to be held by mom and dad first. The first few days of life are believed to be crucial for forming a bond with an infant.

"The wife can support her husband to create boundaries with his mother. She can help him recognize that his mother's levels of self-entitlement are pathological. The priority should be placed on bonding with the baby, not the mother's self-absorption."

The post has received over 8,200 upvotes and 2,000 comments, and most users are siding with the young mom.

The top comment, by Puppyfarts99, with over 18,300 upvotes read: "Wouldn't the first person to hold the baby always be YOU, THE MOM?! Your [Mother In Law] and your husband are both a**holes. [Not The A**hole]."

Another user, evelbug commented: "Usually the ob [obstetrics] is the first person to hold the baby, then the delivery nurse. When my kids were born, the nurse gave the kid to me after getting cleaned up, measured, etc, and then I gave them to my wife."

And iamdrunk05 asked: "[What] was mom supposed to do? Leave the newborn on the bed for two days until [Mother In Law] came back?"

Another user, GranulatedBog said: "[Not The A**hole] best wishes for a speedy divorce. And KrosseStarwind added: "[Not The A**hole]. It seems like your husband and his mom are under the impression that they have a choice in any of this. This is what we like to call, wrong."

Newsweek reached out to u/Throwawwyal524655 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.