Man Slammed for Wanting to be Involved in Granddaughter's Life

Commenters criticized a man for reentering his son's life after learning about his daughter and wanting to be an involved grandparent.

The anonymous man, known as u/Davidthroaway, posted about his situation in Reddit's popular "Am I The A**hole" forum where it received more than 8,000 upvotes and 500 comments. The post can be found here.

Family Estrangement

According to psychologist Karl Pillemer for The Conversation, family estrangement is more common than many think.

One study conducted by researchers at the University of Southern California found that about 27 percent of adult children are estranged from their fathers.

Another study found that about 44 percent of young adults faced some sort of estrangement with a relative.

Pillemer's personal research found that out of a sample of 1,340 individuals, 24 percent were estranged from a parent, 14 percent from a child, and 30 percent from one or more siblings.

Estrangement can take a severe toll on an individual's mental health, including feeling socially isolated or "profound sadness."

"The ensuing grief can be as painful as that resulting from a death, and perhaps worse, as it is not publicly acknowledged," Clinical Psychologist Craig Sawchuk wrote for Mayo Clinic. "In some cases, the person being cut off may feel confused, angry or even shocked."

'A Boy Needs His Father'

In the post titled "AITA for publicly telling my biological father that if he wanted to act like my dad then he had until I was thirty-two to do so?" the man said his mother died a few months after he was born and his father Dan left after six years.

He said Dan left him with his grandparents while he remarried and moved across the country with his new wife.

Although Dan would occasionally visit, the man said the visits became less frequent as he got older.

"I have many memories of my grandparents calling Dan when they thought I was asleep. They would beg Dan to visit me more or bring me with him to Georgia because a boy needs his father," the post read.

He said that although Dan left, he adored him and viewed him as his hero for years. But when he didn't call to wish the man a happy 13 birthday, he repeatedly called Dan's house only to have Dan's wife Sarah answer.

"Sarah was actually a very sweet lady, and I discovered Sarah didn't even know I existed," the post read. "Dan told Sarah that he had been visiting California on business and how he was childless."

'Sperm Donor'

When Dan found out, he allegedly screamed at his son saying he "deliberately" attempted to ruin his marriage and that he is "selfish" for "always demanding his time."

"After that point, Dan stopped visiting me, and I view him as nothing more than a sperm donor to me," the post read.

Years later, the man says he has a good job, a wonderful wife, and a daughter named Harper. He added that although he hasn't thought about Dan for a long time, he started receiving social media notifications from him.

"Dan left comments on almost all of our posts about Harper; From her last day of 2nd Grade to the newborn pictures," the post read. "His comments all said how beautiful and bright HIS granddaughter was."

The man said he messaged Dan and told him he has "no right" to try to act like Harper's grandfather and told him to stay away from his family.

"He replied that Harper was his granddaughter and he gave me life so I 'owe him some damn respect,'" the post read. "I warned him again and blocked him."

But after posting a photo of Harper the other day, the man received a comment from another one of Dan's accounts saying she "gets her good looks from her grandpa."

'AITA?'

The man replied to Dan's comment saying that if he wanted to act like his dad, he had 32 years to do so and has no right to "pretend" he's a great father or grandfather after moving across the country when he was 6.

After blocking Dan's other account, the man said he learned that Dan will likely delete the account because he is being "shamed online."

"Family members said I was right about Dan but calling him out online was not the mature way to handle things," the post read. "I realize I could have just blocked him, but for me, you don't get to ditch your kid and then swoop in to act like a family man now that it suits you. AITA?"

Redditor Reactions

More than 500 users commented on the post, many supporting the man's decision to not let his biological father into his or his daughter's life.

"You'd already tried to handle it privately, but that didn't work. Your dad brought this public humiliation on himself," another commented. You don't owe him anything, much less contact with you or your child. NTA."

"Blood doesn't make you a parent. He gave up the right to be your family when he walked out the door on you," one user wrote.

"This man pretended you didn't exist for most of your life (and I'm sorry at how harsh that sounds). What right does he now have to dance into your life to try and claim your daughter?" another user commented. "You ruined his marriage—nah, mate, he ruined it himself by keeping you a secret from his wife."

"NTA. He literally walked out of your life after your mother died when you were six years old!!!!!" another commented. "Then decades later he creeps on your SM [social media] commenting about 'his' granddaughter out of nowhere...you have done nothing wrong here."

"He stalked you online, creeped over your daughter's photos, and tried to take credit for being some big damn hero," another user wrote. "I still can't get past the part of him lying to his wife about you. Damn. Keep him away from your child."

Newsweek reached out to u/Davidthrowawayaita for comment.

Other Viral Stories

In another viral Reddit post, a 21-year-old was praised for defending his sister against their "bully" grandfather while another man was slammed for leaving his pregnant wife for another woman.

One man stirred debate online after a father-to-be wanted to ditch his pregnant wife to visit his grandfather before he passed away.