Man Telling Wife to 'Go Back to Work' to House Her Adult Children Defended

Members of a popular internet forum were quick to side with one man who refuses to let his wife's pair of adult children live in their home for free.

In a viral Reddit post published on r/AmITheA**hole, Redditor u/throwawayrentornot (otherwise referred to as the original poster, or OP) said he's open to housing the pair but set forth the expectation for both to contribute financially—or for his wife to pick up their slack.

Titled, "[Am I the a**hole] for telling my wife she either starts working or her adult kids pay rent?" the post has received nearly 10,500 upvotes and 2,000 comments in the last day.

"I've been married to my wife for 5 years," OP began. "She has two kids from her previous marriage, Jason [22M] and Carla [19F]."

Continuing to explain that he "sorely underestimated" how much it would cost to help raise two teenagers, OP said he burned much of his savings contributing to his wife's children, especially because of her insistence to remain a stay-at-home parent until they graduated from high school.

OP also said that after his eldest stepchild spent four years at an out-of-state college, he was informed he would be footing the bill for even longer.

"Jason moved out after graduating high school to attend college out of state and when Carla graduated last year we agreed she could have one year [at home]," OP wrote. "[A] few days ago I [walk] into the kitchen and my wife's on the phone with Jason and she told him that he was more than welcome to move back in.

"I wasn't opposed...but told her he should know what he'd be expected to contribute if he's moving in," OP continued. "She responded that she had always told her kids that they would...be welcomed home whenever they wanted and not have to worry about expenses.

"I told my wife that was really nice of her, but...if Jason moved back in he'd have to pay 'rent' to pitch in with groceries and utilities...and it probably should be the same for Carla," OP added. "She said they're her kids and shouldn't have to pay to live at home so I told her if she felt that strongly...she could go back to work."

Along with high grocery costs, increased gas prices and astronomical airfare, rising inflation rates in the U.S. have pushed even the most basic of housing into unaffordable territory.

Data published by Rent.com last month showed that the average monthly rent for a one-bedroom apartment in the U.S. was $1,721 in August, marking a 27.13 percent year-over-year change.

For a two-bedroom apartment, that figure rises to $2,054, up more than 23 percent from the year before.

Unable to pay such high rent costs with entry-level wages, many breaking into the workforce have been forced back into family homes, or left unable to leave them in the first place.

In 2021, the share of the U.S. population living in multigenerational households was 18 percent, more than double the 7 percent that did in 1971, according to Pew Research Center.

Pew also reported that financial issues were the main reason for so many Americans moving back in with their parents or other family members.

But money troubles rarely absolve those struggling from making any financial contribution, and individuals living with their parents are often charged rent, albeit at discounted rates.

Amy Morin, Verywell Mind editor-in-chief and licensed psychotherapist, maintains that making adult children pay rent can help instill responsibility and alleviate the burden of many household costs.

"If you're looking for help paying expenses and your child is invested in staying at home, you might negotiate a rate that is close to what you'd get if you rented a room to someone else," Morin told Newsweek.

Rent, however, isn't the only avenue for adult children to contribute and like the original poster suggested, pitching in with other costs can have a similar effect.

"You might have them pay for services, such as the cable bill or the internet. You might also ask them to pitch in and do the jobs you might normally hire someone to do—like care for the lawn or fix the car," Morin said.

"This might save you money while also not costing them too much," Morin added.

Throughout the comment section of the viral Reddit post, many Redditors echoed this sentiment, simultaneously agreeing with OP's ultimatum for his stepchildren to contribute, or for his wife to go back to work.

"[Not the a**hole]," Redditor u/Nathan_Poe wrote in the post's top comment, which has received nearly 19,000 upvotes. "Your wife clearly does not want to, or intend to, ever work again.

"[Insisting] on being a stay at home mom while children are in high school is ridiculous, and they are years beyond graduation at this point," they added.

Redditor u/ughwhyusernames, whose comment has received more than 4,000 upvotes, also questioned the intentions of OP's wife.

"[The kids] absolutely should contribute," they wrote. "The biggest issue here is your wife not having a job, though."

"Your fie didn't need to be a stay at home mom...she wanted to," Redditor u/EntertainmentOk6284 chimed in. "Now she is just a stay at home wife.

"Fine if you can afford it," they added. "Not cool when you can't."

Newsweek reached out to u/throwawayrentornot for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.