Mom Backed for Renaming Adopted Baby Named for Uncle Who Overdosed

A mom is being supported for changing the name of her adopted son because his original name was in honor of an uncle who died of an overdose.

The mom, u/Any-Blackberry-5557, shared her story in the popular Reddit forum r/AmITheA******, earning over 11,700 upvotes and 2,100 comments for her post, "AITA for changing my adoptive son's name and telling off his birth family".

The original poster (OP) says that she and her husband took care of "Davey," the newborn of her husband's cousin, "Sue" and her partner, "John." The arrangement was supposed to be temporary while Sue and John went through rehab for their addiction issues and followed a safety plan from their local child protective services (CPS) department.

The OP says Sue and John never entered rehab and hadn't even seen Davey after the first two months, nor paid any sort of child support. In addition, John's family has been uninvolved, as they also ignored CPS' safety plan.

It's been two years since Davey came into the OP's life, and she and her husband now have full legal custody. Now that Davey is legally adopted, the OP and her husband filed a claim to change the baby's name. The baby was originally named "Steven," after John's brother, with "David" as a middle name, in honor of Sue's—and the OP's husband's—grandfather.

The OP and her husband only used their child's middle name, due to Steven's behavior. The OP says Steven "died of an overdose (while partying with John and Sue who was PREGNANT and getting high)".

The OP and her husband—as well as their other two children—all decided to change Davey's name from Steven David to "David Owen," after the OP's grandfather, who she says "absolutely adores" the boy and "accepted him as grandson from day one."

Conflict arose when John's family found out about the name change. The OP says they "blew up" her social media profiles—but not her husband's—accusing her of stealing Davey and being only a babysitter.

"I snapped and responded back that MY son's names will honour good men that he could proudly emulate not like their junkie relative who was a s***stain on the world defrauding the govt for benefits and stealing from anyone he could and contributed nothing to life or society and his only accomplishment is that he odeed before he went to prison. Harsh.yes. but I still don't feel like I'm the a******," u/Any-Blackberry-5557 wrote.

In a message to Newsweek, u/Any-Blackberry-5557 made clear she had not changed her mind.

"I regret nothing. I still don't feel I'm an a******. I stand by our decision to give my son a name with a good legacy. When he looks to himself I want him to see all the good and light in the world not the shadow of drugs, crime and darkness that other name represents. And I am not ashamed of throwing some cold hard truths at the people who thought they could disparage me and my family. People who live in glass pipes shouldn't throw stones," she told Newsweek.

Adoption can be a wonderful way to give a child a new lease on life when their parents are unable to give them the proper care. But adopted children are likely to ask about their birth families when they're old enough—and it's generally best to answer them. One mom was bashed when she tried to refuse her teen daughter's request to meet her biological mother. Another, however, was praised for telling her now-teenaged son why his birth mother gave him up.

Sometimes birth parents want back in their child's life—even if the child doesn't want them in. One teen shared a story about living with his dad and stepmother—who ended up adopting him, when his mother and her new husband tried to force him to move in with them.

While it's generally up to the child whether or not they want to reach out to their birth parents, Dr. Karen Gail Lewis, family therapist, told Newsweek it's important to be truthful about their past.

"The issue seems mostly that the adoptive parents don't want to honor a man who used and died of drugs. The child will need to and should know the whole story of his name—regardless what they do—at some point, so protecting the child from an undesirable namesake is really irrelevant," Lewis said. "My biggest concern is the child needs to know and from an early age—not as a big to-do, but more to make sure there's no 'secret.' It can be shared in lots of gentle and loving ways—'We wanted you to be named for someone in our family as well as your birth family'—for example."

She adds that there is no legal issue at all with changing the child's name—but suggests that they could have changed the name to include all of the names—both from his birth parents and adoptive parents—but only to actually use the names the adoptive parents want.

"That way, if the child later wants to honor his birth parents (they may be really healthy people by then—who knows what can happen over the years), the name is still his," Lewis told Newsweek.

But she reiterates that it's important that Davey know about his birth parents as well.

"The child can understand as early as 2 or 3. Obviously, it's not a one-time telling. Each time they tell a story about his birth or childhood, the story can be expanded depending on the child's age. All children are interested in their birth—and especially birth parents. So, the adoptive parents should be thoughtful in how they describe the birth parents were not in a position to be good parents," Lewis told Newsweek.

"BUT, there has to be something about how they loved him and wanted him to be with parents who could take better care of him. Saying nothing about the birth parents is just as unhealthy for the boy as saying negative things about them," Lewis added.

Redditors largely took the OP's side.

"[Not the A******], he's YOUR baby legally, physically, emotionally, all ways aside from DNA. There is no 'baby sitting', he's never going back to them. NEVER. YOU are mom, period. Block them, ignore them, if you can move away from the area. They'll eventually give up, but it'll take an annoying amount of time," u/TCTX73 wrote in the top-rated comment with over 17,900 upvotes.

"[Not the A******]. His bio parents only care because it takes away the last bit of control they assumed they had. If you're doing everything for him and he's legally in your custody, you have the right to change his name," u/cari_chan wrote. "If they don't like it, they can get better and fight in the court."

"Gentle [Everyone Sucks Here]," u/AdventurousTart2111 wrote. "They're speaking from a place of pain and shame. I'm glad the baby has you and your husband. But there is no need to speak like that of people suffering from addiction. They're already as low as you can get, so there is no need to punch down like that. You know the truth of the situation. So do they. They just can't admit it to themselves. Keep being a godsend to the little man, block the ones hellbent on rewriting the narrative, and enjoy your family."

"[Not the A******]. I love how no one has cared about this child until you dared change his name, where have they been all this time? Too late now!" u/Esabettie wrote.