Woman Told To Block Cheating Ex After He Tries To Reconcile 10 Years Later

A woman has been told to block her cheating ex-husband after he tried to reconcile a decade later.

In a popular post shared to Mumsnet, figgy321 explained how "confused" and "heartbroken" she was when her husband left her for another woman, some ten years ago following a work Christmas party.

A recent poll conducted by YouGov revealed that 54 percent of 1,000 U.S adults have been cheated on—either physically, emotionally or both.

However, a marriage therapist told Newsweek, the old saying 'once a cheater, always a cheater' isn't necessarily true.

Over 470 people responded to the lengthy post that explained her life's past and present times. She said her husband returned from the party saying he had met "the love of his life" and he left their family home and daughter, then ten, two weeks later.

She wrote: "Roll on 10 years later and he turns up telling me that the woman was a drunk and abusive and he left her three years ago and has never stopped loving me; saw his daughter once every two weeks in the last 10 years, she hates him."

The original poster (OP) explained he buys his daughter expensive gifts and wants to "reconcile."

"This man broke my heart and caused me nothing but shame and embarrassment. I told no one what he did for at least two years. He made me feel inadequate and useless. I now earn four times what he does and own my house (not the family home, that was sold)."

She points out she took "full responsibility" for their daughter and mentions in the comments that she had an "expensive education". She tells other users that her parents helped too but her dad sadly passed away two years ago.

She also had a partner for four years who "suddenly" passed away of cancer and coronavirus complications in February 2022. In the comments, she has told other users she is still "grieving."

Newsweek spoke to Emily Simonian, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Head of Clinical Learning for Thriveworks in Washington, DC.

She said: "If this woman were a client coming in for therapy, one of the first things I would do is reflect her statements back to her: You said he broke your heart, caused you nothing but shame and embarrassment, and made you feel inadequate and useless. Those words sound very emotionally charged, even 10 years after the affair took place.

"She's wondering if he would continue to cheat, which is a valid concern, but she should also consider if she wants to open that emotional wound and potentially have to feel those devastating feelings again because it would most likely be an intense experience to try to repair things with her ex, as it would involve recalling difficult feelings and memories."

"It's important to recognize when you want to reconcile in an attempt to feel more comfortable with the past and 'undo' some of the emotional pain that occurred rather than actually wanting to be with that person again. Reconciliation after infidelity is hard, but it can be done when two people really love each other and are willing to compromise or make a behavioral change that will positively impact the longevity and health of the relationship."

"I would also ask this woman what painful narrative she may be carrying consciously or subconsciously that she hopes will change if she gets back together with her ex. For example, maybe she has felt unlovable or unattractive after the affair, and on a deep level she believes reconciling will mean she's lovable and she will feel more attractive again."

"As far as the concept of 'once a cheater, always a cheater,' infidelity is case by case and there is never a definite answer because it's such a gray area. Some people are able to make behavioral changes or learn from past mistakes, but more importantly, understanding why someone had an affair is a key piece in recovering from infidelity.

"If someone understands what prompted them to have an affair, they can create a plan to avoid making the mistake again in the future. Example: If the affair happened because one partner felt emotionally disconnected from their partner, they know that's a trigger and can take measures to prevent emotional disconnection, or respond in a healthier way the next time they start feeling that way."

Hundreds of Mumsnet users have commented on the post and they're all prompting the woman to "laugh, block, [and] ignore" him.

"No good will come of this, you have been separated for 10 years he clearly didn't miss you all that much if it's taken him this long," wrote one user.

Another comment said: "He wants in on your life because you have money and a house. And yes, he won't appreciate you if you let him back either. And your daughter would be hurt and upset for you."

Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.