Mom Who Left Her Baby for an Hour Backed Online: 'I've Had Enough'

A post about a first-time mom who is "fed up" and decided to go out for an hour without her baby has gone viral on Mumsnet, the U.K.-based online forum.

In a post shared on Mumsnet's Am I Being Unreasonable (AIBU) subforum under the username Mamabearv, the mother of the 4-month-old said: "I love my baby and being with her," but "I rarely have time to myself."

Since her husband went back to work after paternity leave, the mom said she's "been with her [daughter] constantly."

A June 2021 study published in the peer-reviewed International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health found that mothers caring for infants experience greater fatigue than those with similar characteristics who aren't caring for an infant.

The study said: "More importantly, fatigue does not decrease even if the infants are older; rather, it remains similar for mothers with infants up to 26 months of age.

"It is important to note that this stability occurs even when it can be observed that the number of hours of sleep that mothers enjoy increases as the infant grows older, which supports the hypothesis that the cause of mothers' fatigue is related to factors other than a mere lack of rest."

Daily chores are among the factors that affect a mother's fatigue, the study noted, adding: "The greater demands of day-to-day life during this vital period of time, and the fewer opportunities that mothers have to take breaks, appear to be responsible for the fatigue among them."

The mother in the latest Mumsnet post said: "I don't have time for activities on my own anymore and I'm getting fed up with my husband telling me how tired he is when I barely get half an hour to myself anymore.

"Today I've had enough so I just told him I was going out for an hour for a break. He asked me if I was taking our child and he seemed amused when I said no. I'm sitting outside and now [I] just feel guilty...AIBU?"

According to the wife, her husband is an active father "when he can [be]." But when he gets home from work, "I do bedtime [put the newborn to sleep] and also all the cooking and cleaning."

Even when he does pitch in, she said "I have to help him do it," such as by making the bottle for feeding, running the water for bath time. "I don't get help to do any of those things so why does he?!"

The wife said he has a "high stress job" in the public sector that's physically demanding, "which is why he wants to unwind and doesn't want to help me straight away when he gets home."

"He loves our daughter but he's not pulling his weight, it's like he's doing us a favor sometimes when he does help and it's not good enough and I'm fed up with it," she said.

Several users on Mumsnet shared messages of support for the mother in the latest post and criticized the "selfish" husband.

Bestcatmum said: "You need to nip his selfish behavior in the bud...going to work doesn't mean he can't look after his child. This isn't 1950."

User MummyDummyNow said: "You are not being unreasonable at all, it's his child too. And you need a break. He should be able to look after the baby on his own perfectly well."

User Icanstillrecallourlastsummer said the original poster is "not at all" being unreasonable. "In fact, make it a regular thing. It will be good for you, and good for both your husband and baby to allow them to build a bond," they said.

User NorthStarRising said the mother should take breaks more often and tell her husband "it's daddy-baby bonding time. He's 50 percent of the parenting that should be happening."

Newsweek was not able to verify the details of this case.