Woman Causing Fight With Mother-in-Law Over Christmas Day Outfit Slammed

A woman refusing to spend Christmas with her in-laws unless she can wear a hat to dinner is being criticized online.

In a post to Reddit's Am I the A******? (AITA) forum on December 16, user u/UshouldBlaughin6 explained that she has never gotten along with her mother-in-law. However, a recent confrontation at Thanksgiving has spilled over to Christmas, with her mother-in-law now referring to her as "the devil."

Describing her mother-in-law as "overly traditional," the argument was sparked after u/UshouldBlaughin6 wore a black leather newsboy cap to Thanksgiving dinner to hide a bad hair day.

"The holiday was hostile, even more so than prior gatherings I'd been to," she wrote.

"Hubby said MIL [mother-in-law] said it was because I wore a hat, but I know it was just an excuse.

"I told MIL I wouldn't come to Christmas with them, then blocked her number and Facebook."

As her husband "doesn't like conflict," he has been trying to fix the situation, encouraging his wife to come for Christmas to give his mother another chance.

"He's told MIL she needs to be nice and treat me as part of the family, and that if I feel unwelcome at Christmas like I did at Thanksgiving, that we won't attend future events and she see him much anymore," she said.

However, UshouldBlaughin6 decided to test her mother-in-law, and said she'd only come for Christmas Day if she could wear the hat again.

"Hubby said he thought I'd worn it since I had a bad hair day, but this time it's as a statement that they shouldn't treat me as an outsider," she said.

"If they won't let me wear a hat, what else are they going to restrict about me? Let me be me or I won't come. Period."

Reddit users were unimpressed with both UshouldBlaughin6 and her mother-in-law's "petty" behavior, with the post receiving over 13,000 upvotes and more than 5,000 comments since being shared.

Why Do Families Argue More Around Christmas?

If you've ever suffered though a festive family event, you're not alone. According to a survey conducted by relationship support provider Relate, 52 percent of U.K. adults are expecting to argue with a family member this Christmas.

And 73 percent of the 2,033 people surveyed believed the cost-of-living crisis would incite conflict this year, with respondents also citing money worries, mental health and the pressure to socialize as triggers.

So, how can you ensure your holidays are merry and bright? Jennifer Kelman, a mental health expert for JustAnswer, a website where users can ask questions on a variety of topics, said there are steps you can take to help Christmas run more smoothly.

"Holiday stress is quite common and can cause a lot of worry and anxiety," she told Newsweek. "Things are more complicated when you are visiting with your in-laws and you don't get along or there is constant strife."

She said it's important to keep your expectations in check to avoid disappointment, and do your best to avoid engaging when baited. "You can choose to ignore and not respond to any digs or under-the-breath comments that might occur," she said. "If things start to feel especially challenging, remove yourself from the room and take a pause and a deep breath."

Your spouse might also feel caught in the middle, so it's vital to take their feelings into account as well.

"Talk with them before the event and ask that they offer their quiet support," said Kelman. "Maybe a squeeze of a warm hand or a knowing glance can help one to feel calm in tense moments and to feel the support that is needed."

"Is It a Good Hill to Die On?"

UshouldBlaughin6's husband told his mom that they won't be joining them for Christmas this year unless she could wear the hat again. In response, his mom asked "why he'd married the devil," with the conflict continuing to stress him out.

"He's growing tense with me and I told him he'll probably have to pick a side sooner or later and that I never intended it that way," UshouldBlaughin6 said. "He spent last night at a friend's house because he needed to think. I told him to text me when he was ready to talk. He hasn't yet."

Her friends have said the hat request was unnecessary and that she may have damaged her marriage.

"AITA for saying I won't come if I don't wear a hat?" she asked.

In the poll attached to the post, the verdict was "everybody sucks," with Reddit users criticizing the wife for putting her husband in such a difficult position.

"You took a situation that could have been a first step toward a less contentious relationship with your MIL and made demands which intentionally antagonized her," said BeepBlipBlapBloop.

"You're literally trying to bait MIL. It's like you want a reaction from her," agreed UsuallyWrite2.

"OP [original poster] and MIL both [the a******]. And they seem very similar..." wrote Fiercest Bunny. While Zwiloh asked the poster "Is it a good hill to die on?"

Many users also said the mother-in-law was out of line.

"MIL needs to realize the cord was cut a long time ago," said DisGruntledDraftsman.

"'The Devil' is not an insult thrown lightly, especially if tradition is so valued it seems," wrote MagentaLove.

"If it wasn't the hat it would be the skinny jeans or sandals in the winter or the pink chunk of hair," commented marionmcd123.

"It's never the aggressor who is asked to change..." added EmeraldBlueZen.

The original poster isn't the only one to share her mother-in-law woes with the internet. A woman was recently backed by fellow Mumsnet users for refusing to host her "suffocating" mother-in-law for Christmas, while a woman was berated by Reddit users after purposefully leaving her daughter-in-law out of an annual family Christmas tradition.

Newsweek reached out to u/UshouldBlaughin6 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.

If you have a family dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.