Woman Cheered for Not Allowing Mother-in-Law Weekly Visits With New Baby

A new mom has been backed online for refusing to let her mother-in-law take her baby for a day every week.

In a now-viral post on Mumsnet, user Mitzymarvel shared her dilemma. With a baby girl who is not yet 2 months old, she explained how her mother-in-law was "already pushing me to commit to a set day per week when she can take the baby."

She explained: "Currently my daughter is breastfed but I top her up with a bit of formula. [My] mother-in-law suggests she just has formula on the days she takes or, or I can try and pump enough breast milk."

But the mom had her doubts about the whole arrangement and said: "I know she is keen to have a close relationship with her granddaughter, but I just don't feel comfortable being apart from the baby for a whole day a week."

Alex Carling, a mother of two and psychotherapist working in the areas of attachment and trauma, told Newsweek: "I have encountered the pressures mothers face to parent in particular ways, ways that can meet the needs of someone else closely connected, or society, and not the mother or the children themselves."

Carling said it's understandable that fallouts can happen when babies arrive, partially because of the heightened emotions from all involved.

"Ideally, grandparents need to listen and respect boundaries by checking things out, not assuming, directing or pushing their own experiences and beliefs onto a mother and their baby—regardless of intention," Carling said. "If it's not asked for, then assume it is not needed."

With more than 300 replies to the post, other Mumsnet users rushed to support the mom.

"Just say she's very little and you're not thinking about it yet," suggested one reply. While another commenter said: "Your baby is tiny, there is absolutely no need for anyone else to have her if you don't want it. Put your foot down, this is your baby and you don't have to do anything to please anyone else."

"No way!" said another Mumsnet user. "She's your baby and she's still so young so she needs you."

Carling suggested that when grandparents or extended family want to help, communication is key. "Reach out and ask if it would be helpful. This kind of stuff works best when explicit communication is used. That explicit communication works both ways, but we know that emotion and experiences in attachment from their own childhood can impact how possible this feels. We're human and this stuff can read as easy but can actually be incredibly difficult to do.

"Most importantly, the mom in the Mumsnet post is her baby's advocate. Her voice speaks for her baby," Carling said. "Their nervous systems are entwined in a way that only mother and babies are, no one will sense the need of her baby like she does because they did not carry it. I do not believe this mom should go along with anything she does not feel comfortable with, instead, stay true to herself and her baby. This will positively impact her own health and that of her baby, it will teach her baby and people around her that she values her needs, we learn this way, her baby learns this way—I can't emphasize this enough."

Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.