Woman Leaves Boyfriend After He Stops Splitting Restaurant Bills

Dumping your partner over not splitting the bill on dates might seem drastic to some, but a Newsweek reader did exactly that—and she isn't alone.

The reader wrote into Newsweek to describe why not splitting the bill ruined her relationship, she said: "I was seeing a guy and things started out OK. Then it became a 50/50 sort of who pays at meals. But it soon became 60/40 then it was 'I forgot my wallet' every time we went out.

"The clincher was when he bought takeout meals for himself and his grown daughter and left me hungry. I mean I was there spending the evening. I left him after this."

She was responding to a story on Newsweek about a woman who left her boyfriend and his two kids in a restaurant after he forgot his credit card again.

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Newsweek spoke to two relationship experts to find out more about this aspect of dating etiquette.

Tina Wilson, founder of dating app Wingman, told Newsweek: "There are no steadfast rules on who should pay for a date but a good rule to live by is whoever asked for the date should offer to pay the bill.

"The reader has said the behavior of her new potential partner has changed since their first date, which is a huge red flag. If you believe in splitting the bill 50/50, be upfront about it beforehand; don't make excuses about forgetting a wallet. etc., as it just means you can't be trusted."

A 2022 survey by YouGovAmerica revealed that 32 percent of 1,000 adults in a serious relationship aged 18 to 44 argue about money.

Another survey based on money and dating by online lending marketplace LendingTree revealed that the average first date costs approximately $77. LendingTree also discovered one in three respondents has turned down a date because they didn't have the cash and that three-quarters of the 1,200 people surveyed think it's more expensive to be in a couple than it is to be single.

The results also found that on average in 2019 women spent much less than men on dating, $499.96 and $861.29, respectively.

According to Emyli Lovz, a dating coach for men, a man paying for the first date is a "gesture that can keep her safe."

She told Newsweek: "It also helps him to compete with the other men she's dating who will pay. I always tell my clients to look for women who offer to pay, as this is a sign of respect, but that they should decline her offer. Paying the bill on a date during the courting phase is a subconscious indicator that you will protect her.

"The same is true for walking her to her car, waiting until she's gotten into her home before driving away, making sure she gets into the Uber before you call yours, walking on the outside of the street to protect her from cars, and giving her your jacket when she's cold.

"All ways to demonstrate that you will lead and protect her, which is what we want. That said, I don't recommend spending a lot of money early on for many reasons, one of which is that it will cause her to view you as a lower value if you give too much too soon."

Lovz told Newsweek it is "all about communication" and establishing how payments are made is crucial.

Wilson agrees, saying: "Many would agree that on a first date it is a chivalrous gesture for the gentleman to get the bill; whoever asks who out. This is seen as 'standard dating etiquette.' It is an act of kindness that shows the gentleman cares but equally it should not be totally expected."

Speaking about the anonymous reader's dating woes, Wilson referred to the ex-partner's attitude toward paying as a "huge red flag". She has provided some tips for daters who may be in the same situation.

She said: "If alarm bells are ringing and you start to feel like you are always paying the bills on dates, try a couple of tactics. Firstly, stop suggesting dates and wait for your partner to suggest them. Then you know in this scenario (when they ask you out), it is courteous for your other half to offer to pay. On the date itself, if you then find yourself in an 'unspoken standoff' after a couple of these occasions, then this should be a red flag.

"Secondly, the next time you go out (at his suggestion), then take cash so you don't have to put down your card which just makes it easy for him. Instead, physically put down half of the bill—not making a big deal out of it and see what happens. If you are worrying about things like this early on in the relationship it really would be time to think if there is a future with this person."

Newsweek discovered that single parents who have introduced their child to their new partner should "always offer to pay" for themselves and their children.

Lovz said: "It all comes down to communication and respect. If you have kids, you should always offer to pay for yourself and your children, if not for the entire bill. Then pay attention to whether the other person is willing to contribute equally as well. When you feel uncomfortable about something, let the other person know.

"For women, it could be as simple as 'Hey, can we talk? I'm a little conflicted about something. I want to be an equal contributor but sometimes I feel a little vulnerable about how we split the bill at dinners because X, Y, Z.'

"This is just an example but expressing your wants and needs and making it clear that you want to be an equal contributor in a different way may help you avoid resentment down the line."