Woman Refusing to Let 5-Year-Old Niece Try on Engagement Ring Backed Online

A woman refusing to allow her soon-to-be niece try on her engagement ring has found support online.

Posting to Reddit's Am I the A******? (AITA) forum on October 8, user u/wahytser explained that her fiancé's sister and husband have a five-year-old daughter called Emily.

The little girl is obsessed with the poster's wardrobe and shoe collection and enjoys dressing up and putting on fashion shows when she comes to visit.

Until recently, wahytser was more than happy to oblige. However, an incident in which Emily destroyed a pair of her expensive shoes has made the poster wary. So, when Emily asked if she could try on her new engagement ring, wahyster politely declined.

She offered the child another ring instead as a distraction, but unfortunately this led to a tantrum and a confrontation with the child's parents, who tried to pressure the poster to give in.

Since the argument, wahytser's fiancé has banned his sister and her family from the house, with the poster blaming herself for the rift.

Chase Cassine, a behavioral health specialist at DePaul Community Health Centers in New Orleans, said it's natural to feel responsible after a fall-out.

"However, if we look at the bigger picture in [the poster's] situation, the source of the problem is rooted in negative behaviors of conflict avoidance, people-pleasing and passive-aggression," he told Newsweek.

"This pattern of behavior is usually, displayed as sarcasm, silent treatment, shady remarks, avoiding direct or clear communication, playing the victim, or backhanded compliments. All of which are evasive and leave the issue unaddressed.

"When families engage in this cycle of behavior, it further causes the conflict to build and exacerbate."

To avoid explosive situations and family rifts, Cassine recommends "normalizing conflict." Regular discussions that focus on one issue at a time, instead of allowing resentment to build, are more likely to lead to compromises and healthier relationships.

'Respectful Dialogue'

"When resolving a conflict, yes it is tempting to want to address everything that you've bottled up that may be closely related. However, this approach will cause miscommunication and confuse the other person," he said.

"By using constructive techniques to manage conflict in relationships, it opens the door for open, transparent and respectful dialogue when addressing an issue, and it further strengthens the bonds with each other."

In her post, wahytser explained that until the incident with the engagement ring, the fiancé's sister, husband and their daughter Emily were regular visitors.

"Emily is a very curious girl and loves to play and explore, and she really loves playing dress up," she wrote.

"I have a pretty nice clothing/shoe collection that I showed Emily one of the first times she came over. Since then, I have let Emily borrow many items of my clothing to try on for fun and put on 'fashion shows.'"

However, during a recent visit Emily destroyed a pair of wahytser's expensive heels.

She said: "I thought that her parents were watching her since they saw her put them on, but apparently not. I came back to check on her 20 minutes later and she had cut one of the bows off of the shoes and was in the process of cutting off the other one.

"I was absolutely horrified and immediately stopped her, which resulted in a huge tantrum."

Emily's parents apologized for the damage, but did not offer to pay to repair the shoes. Her fiancé reached out to his sister asking her to cover the cost, which resulted in a "forced" text to the poster.

The night of the disagreement, the family was visiting for the first time since the couple announced their engagement.

Trying on the Ring

"It was Emily's first time seeing the ring so she kept asking me to show her and I did multiple times," she said.

"After dinner, we were all sitting on the couch and Emily asked to see the ring again except this time she asked if she could try it on. I was expecting my fiance's sister to intervene immediately and tell her that isn't appropriate, but she said nothing and just laughed."

The poster explained she is uncomfortable with the child trying on the ring, partly due to its cost and sentimental value, and partly due to Emily's previous treatment of her possessions.

"I basically said something like 'Oh this ring is very dear to me and I would like to keep it on my finger, but I can give you one of my other rings to try on if you'd like!' she wrote.

"She said no and asked again. I repeated myself. She started getting teary and that's when her mom intervened and said, 'Oh c'mon, just let her try it on for a second, she's not gonna break the damn thing.'"

After the poster continued to say no, the sister's husband made an awkward excuse to leave. As they were heading out, the sister said: "Well, now I get why you two don't want children...it's probably better off for everyone."

"I was immediately shocked by this absurd statement," the poster said.

At the time of her post, her fiancé was still not speaking to his sister, with wahytser feeling responsible. However, Reddit users were horrified by the parent's behavior, telling the poster she has nothing to be sorry for.

"A 5 year old does not need to be trying on engagement rings," said salmonberrycreedk.

"I'm honestly appalled at her parents reaction, especially after what happened with the shoes."

Capriciouskat01 agreed, writing: "The parents are doing their child a disservice letting her think her acting this way is in any way okay."

RiddikulusFlora commented: "That kid sounds spoiled and the parents clearly cannot be bothered to explain healthy boundaries to their daughter."

While Ammilerasa said: "She sounds like a horrible mother. I see where your niece gets her behaviour from and sadly this most likely will only get worse."

Newsweek has reached out to u/wahytser for comment. We couldn't verify the details of the case.

Update 10/26/22 05.12a.m. E.T.: This article was updated to correct the location where Chase Cassine is based, from Los Angeles to New Orleans.