Woman Refusing to Watch In-Law's Kids After Emergency Backed Online

A woman was supported by commenters online for refusing to watch her future sister-in-law's three children after she was involved in a serious accident.

The Original Poster (OP), known as u/AITAthrow_82659, posted about the situation in Reddit's popular "Am I The A**hole" forum where it received more than 6,800 upvotes and 1,300 comments. The post can be found here.

Family Responsibilities

According to Melissa Boudin, a licensed psychologist specializing in parenting and relationships, individuals are not responsible for being there for family during an emergency if it compromises a healthy boundary that was previously established.

"Your primary priority is your immediate family (partner, children, etc), and putting your mental and emotional well-being first allows you to best care for that priority," Boudin told Newsweek. "There will likely be a negative reaction to this on the part of the family requesting you to be there. Do not feel the need to explain yourself. It is enough to say no and stick with that as your boundary."

She added that these boundaries are important to ensure healthy relationships with in-laws as well as other individuals in your life. It is also important to consider the benefits of trying to ensure a healthy in-law relationship.

"When you are clear on the potential positive impacts, you can approach getting to know, spending time with, and procuring a relationship with your in-law," Boudin said. "This is the foundation of building a healthy relationship with them. Unhealthy in-law relationships, on the other hand, are likely in need of boundary setting on your part. Set healthy boundaries for the relationship, be clear on what they are, and stick to them."

'AITA?'

In the post titled "AITA for not helping my fiancé out with his niblings during a family emergency?" the 27-year-old said she grew up in the foster care system and doesn't have a grasp on "normal" family dynamics.

The OP said she does not get along with her fiancé's family and that his parents have been "rude" since the day they met.

"I don't fit their ideal of what a nice girl should be and my background is significantly different than theirs," the post read. "His brothers and SIL are also a bit condescending about my work and lifestyle."

After a "contentious" holiday visit, the OP told her fiancé she would go low contact with his immediate family.

"I don't mind him visiting them or keeping in touch at all, but I will not," the post read. "They can always be his family but they won't be mine. If that was a dealbreaker so be it. He agreed that was fine."

The OP said she and her fiancé plan on eloping and are childfree. She added that since she moves for work, they will probably be far away from his family often.

"His brother and SIL were in a car wreck last week and both ended up in ICU," the post read. She said the couple has three children under 10.

The OP's fiancé asked if she could go to his sister's house and possibly spend the night watching the children, but she told him no.

'Knew My Boundaries'

"I'll be happy to deliver food, drop off anything he needs, and run errands, but I won't stay at his brother's home or be in a position to interact directly with his family," the post read. "Besides the disruption to my work schedule if it turned into an overnight deal since I have to get up very early, I doubt they want me there and it sounds like a fight waiting to happen once the emergency is over."

The OP's fiancé ended up staying overnight with the kids and she dropped off food and clothes but said he just took the items without speaking to her.

"The brother and SIL will be fine, fortunately," the post read.

But when they got home, the OP's fiancé "laid" into her about not helping out when the situation was "so extreme."

"I told him I did help, just not the way he wanted exactly, and he already knew my boundaries," the post read. "He said it would have taken the pressure off of him and also been a good olive branch."

But the OP said his family "already burned the olive tree" and can't look down on her and still call her during a crisis.

"Doing the legwork I did was supporting him and I just really don't care about them anymore beyond him," the post read. "We're not arguing anymore, but we still disagree."

Redditor Reactions

More than 1,300 users commented on the post, many defending the OP's decision to set boundaries and not help out her in-laws.

"NTA, and I don't understand the Y T A responses at all," one user commented receiving over 11,000 upvotes. "You drew your line. These people have to have someone else they can call in emergencies, or they've burned all social capital being AHs to others just like they are to you. You were absolutely right to maintain your boundaries."

"You could've done this favor for your fiancé, but you established very clear boundaries that he agreed to. Definitely NTA, and please ignore the YTA votes," another user said.

"If you aren't good enough to be family, then why are they asking you to look after their kids," another said. "I would have told them no as well."

"If he wanted you to spend 2 hrs with the kids so he could check in at the hospital, then I think you should have done it. Anyone can spend 2 hrs watching a movie with some kids," another said. "That said, he said it could extend overnight? That sounds completely unnecessary and really, just too much for kids you really don't know...I think you did a good thing taking him clothes and food and such but given the circumstances, I think his ask was too much."

"NTA, I'd never take on the liability of looking after kids whose parents hate me," another said. "Imagine if one of them gets hurt and they blame you? Hell no."

"Ignore the YTA comments," another commented. "You already set down a clear boundary and if your fiance can't respect that then you need to buckle up for many more disagreements in the future regarding his Family."

Newsweek reached out to u/AITAthrow_82659 for comment.

Other Viral Posts

In another viral post from Mumsnet, a wedding guest was backed for refusing to watch a bride's children during a family emergency.

Another woman was applauded by commenters on Reddit for calling out her sister-in-law's financial struggles during a party. In another, a woman was backed for telling her sister-in-law facing a divorce that "she had it coming."