I Want My Brother To Move Out Of Our Inherited Home—What Should I Do?

Dear Newsweek, I'm a 54-year-old female on the autistic spectrum. I work part-time and have a difficult time keeping a job, but I try my best. I also have mental health issues.

I share a house with my older half-brother, he is 64, and had a traumatic brain injury from a car accident three and a half years ago. He is also physically impaired and not good at taking care of himself, and I can't do all of what he needs. He's very filthy and unkempt, and doesn't clean up after himself. We live together in the house we inherited from our mother, who died in 2016. The house is in poor shape. He can still drive. I have never driven because I'm visually impaired. I have a hard enough time taking care of myself, am I expected to also take care of him forever?

I took care of our mother until she died and I don't get to have a life because of my brother being in bad shape. Mentally, he is about at the level of a 10-year-old and I am very worried this has gone now into the realm of elder abuse if I don't do something.

What do I do? We still share bills, he gets SSI [Supplemental Security Income] and I work but don't qualify for disability. We still are making payments on this house. We have no heat or central air. We're in Florida and it gets very hot in here in the summer. We don't have a washer and dryer. I do my clothes at the laundromat, he doesn't wash his clothes. He has not bathed in over two years! I am slowly going insane. Please help.

Nancy, Florida

You Need To Set Boundaries With Your Brother

Bianca Padilla, a former caregiver who is the CEO and co-founder of Carewell in Miami, Florida, which provides health and wellness products for at-home care.

Becoming a caregiver isn't always easy, especially if you've done it before and know the efforts that go into it. However, if you choose to move forward and become your brother's caregiver, there are resources and programs that can help so that you have the support you need.

For example, if your brother receives Medicare or Medicaid, you can explore the benefits the programs offer to see if he is eligible to receive a home health aide or other caregiver perks. The Americans with Disabilities Act National Network is also a great tool as it provides recommendations on the types of accommodations that your brother may be entitled to, such as accessible technology, service animals, and transportation.

Resources and programs in your local community can also help alleviate some of the challenges associated with caregiving. Many faith-based organizations, nonprofits, and local government programs offer free or reduced-cost services, like respite care, meals, and even transportation for those with disabilities. The Eldercare Locator and National Family Caregiver Support Program are helpful tools that will allow you to find resources available in your area.

If you decide you can't take on the responsibility of caring for your brother, that's okay too. It's important to know your limits and recognize that assuming the role of caregiver won't benefit either party.

An assisted living facility may be the best option to ensure your brother is well cared for. As Florida residents, look into the ​​Statewide Medicaid Managed Care Long-Term Care Program, which can help with the monthly costs associated with long-term care facilities.

Being A Carer Can Lead To Burnout, You Need To Put Yourself First

Wendy O'Neill is a clinical psychologist based in London, U.K., who works with individuals and families with emotional difficulties.

While it sounds like you have been trying your best to care for your brother and maintain your own employment along with your emotional well-being, I share your concern about how long this situation can continue and worry about the impact of caring for your brother will have on your mental health.

Being a carer for prolonged periods of time can lead to carer burnout and you have been offering care to your mother and brother. It is important that you have your own support in the form of friends or other family. Are there other resources that you can draw on too? This may be a local community support group for carers or support through your employment?

Your brother appears to require a high level of care and I imagine he will need ongoing practical support. I think it would be helpful to have more information and understanding around what help you are able to receive for yourself and your brother.

I also wonder whether he has capacity to make decisions around his finances or to drive a car? Is your brother under any neurorehabilitation team that you could ask for advice about support for his care?

I would also suggest seeking advice from your local social services department as your brother may require an assessment of his needs to be carried out. This may initially feel overwhelming. However, I hear your concerns around elder abuse, and having information, support and knowledge can help you and your brother make informed decisions about his care. Wishing you well.

Do you have a similar family dilemma? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.