In-Laws Being 'Secretive' Over Outings With 3-Year-Old Grandson Dragged

A user on Mumsnet has asked if she is being unreasonable for pushing her in-laws to tell her where they take her 3-year-old son when they spend time with him, saying they have been "secretive" about it.

She wrote: "Is it OK that I just want to know whereabouts my son is? He's only 3, he has special needs and unfortunately suffers from a weak immune system and gets recurrent tonsillitis, etc. So for those reasons, I am a protective mummy but that doesn't mean that I wouldn't let him go out with his grandparents. I'm not trying to control them and I do trust them but I still want to know where he is."

She went on to explain that she has put more pressure on them to tell her. "[B]ut they don't like it...I know posters will likely say I'm controlling but all I'm asking is a quick text with 'we're at the park then going to get something to eat at...' Or in-laws just letting us know when they pick him up. Is this strange of me or can other parents feel this way?".

A 2020 C.S. Mott Children's Hospital National Poll on Children's Health found that 89 percent of just over 2,000 parents reported that their child sees at least one grandparent often or occasionally. Among them, 6 percent report major disagreements and 37 percent report minor disagreements with one or more grandparents.

Ruth Ettenberg Freeman, licensed clinical social worker and founder and president of Peace at Home Parenting Solutions, told Newsweek: "It is never helpful to stress over what other people think of you. These negative thoughts are not good for you and your body. A parent has the right to know where their child is at all times, and who they are with. The relationship between children's grandparents and parents can be challenging and ideally includes open communication about concerns on both sides. Parents are built to protect their children and it's fine to trust that instinct."

Ettenberg Freeman suggested opening up the conversation and "starting difficult conversations with the positive and ending with the positive can help: 'I love the way you enjoy spending time with DS [Dear Son] and can see that he loves it too. I'll feel most at ease if you let me know your plans and where you'll be—call it mother's instinct. I find it hard not knowing where my little one is located and don't like worrying. I'm so grateful that he has you in his life.'

"When there is unspoken tension among the adults, little ones pick it up, so if for no other reason—strive for that open communication for him. That one difficult conversation can make life a lot easier for all going forward."

Many users supported the worried mother.

User Winterfellismyhome said: "I would absolutely hate this. I would say 'tell me where you are taking him, or dont take him' i dont care if it makes me look controlling."

User eateatingveggie commented: "Grandma here.. yanbu [you are not being unreasonable]. I'd feel uncomfortable having my grandchildren anywhere if their parents didn't know about it."

Newsweek could not verify the details of the case.