Mom Refusing Ex and His Wife Time With the Kids at Christmas Cheered: 'No'

A mom has been backed for refusing to let her husband have her kids for extra time over Christmas.

In a post on the popular discussion forum r/AmITheA****** on Reddit, user Rare_Lime_5792 explained that she and her ex-husband share three children aged 15, 14 and 13.

"We had them very close together and then our marriage crashed and burned," she explained. "I dated some after our marriage ended and realized I liked being single. He remarried a little over a year after our divorce. His wife is Ani."

The mom explained that she and Ani have a complex relationship. "She adores my kids," she said. "But was very jealous in those early days of her marriage to my ex because I had primary custody and he had every other weekend, due to the nature of his job. I did not feel like Ani taking time while he wasn't around was a good compromise to him obtaining 50-50 and a judge agreed, stating [that] since dad would not see the kids during that time, it made sense to keep them with me."

The kids had never fully warmed to their new stepmother, something that Ani has found difficult.

Eventually their father changed his job and 50/50 custody was arranged—but this appeared to cause more issues.

"She started calling herself their mom and I hated that. My kids have only ever called her Ani and I know they used to say she wasn't their mom. But I admit I was jealous. I also believe that's what she wanted to have happen. I did get it under control because my kids came first," said the mom.

After three years of tension, another issue recently arose. Ani found out that she cannot have children herself after years of attempts and miscarriages.

"I'm not sure of all the details but I do know this was a blow. They found out the final results of testing last week," explained the mom. "My ex told me that he wants the kids to spend more time with them and to be with them for Christmas—I get this year per our custody arrangement. He admitted the kids do not want to be there but wanted me to agree anyway, because Ani's feelings and helping her."

But the mom quickly refused. "I told him no," she said. "He told me again about Ani's feelings and I told him her feelings were not mine or our kids' problem."

An argument ensued and her ex-husband said that she should have more compassion and empathy for his new wife. But the mom disagreed and took to the internet to ask if she was wrong to refuse the request.

Parenting expert and consultant Kirsty Ketley, who runs Auntie K's Childcare Service in Surrey, England, told Newsweek: "Co-parenting successfully at Christmas can be tricky if parents are not sticking to agreements, which is why there has to be agreements in place.

"It shouldn't be about the parents, but entirely what is right/best for the children.

"So in this case, the children don't want to do extra days with their dad and stepmom, so they shouldn't be expected or guilt-tripped into going," she said.

Online Redditors were quick to tell the woman that she was right to refuse the extra visit at Christmas.

"If your kids don't want to be there don't force them," said one commenter. Another Redditor wrote: "Your children are old enough now to be choosing who they spend the holidays with. Maybe your ex and Ani can look into the foster care system. So many lovely children who through no fault of their own need a mom and dad."

Newsweek has reached out to u/Rare_Lime_5792 for comment. We were unable to verify the details of this case.

If you have a family dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.