Mom Refusing To Move Event To Please Daughter-in-Law Cheered: 'Won't Stop'

A mom has been backed online for refusing to change her family traditions for her daughter-in-law.

The woman shared on Reddit how she did not mind that she was "making things uncomfortable" when she refused to change the day of her annual meal.

In a post which can be read here, u/TARRAFs explained: "I have a tradition that every June and December, on the first Saturday of the month, I make a traditional dish from my country for my family and friends. Everyone loves it and it's a family recipe."

Her son has been married to his wife, Wendy, for three years and in the summer she asked to help the poster with the family dish, Brazilian feijoada, a meaty stew.

"I said yes... It was my biggest regret. She gave advice on all seasoning choices and even though I said it's a family recipe, she kept giving her opinion," said the poster. "When that date passed, I made it clear that I would not like any more help—first and last time—she took it personally and our relationship became uncomfortable."

Beverly Hills psychiatrist Carole Lieberman told Newsweek: "There are often struggles between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law, and there's a psychological basis for it. When a little boy is growing up, he is typically the apple of his mother's eye and, similarly, he has a special love for his mom. Then, when he gets married, there's a subtle shift. Although he doesn't stop loving his mom, he now devotes most of his attention to his wife. Moms feel this change and are often jealous of their daughter-in-law for 'stealing' their son away."

With the second traditional meal of the year coming up, the mom was shocked when she received an invite from her son and daughter-in-law to a meal on the first Sunday of December, where Wendy would be making the family dish one day before her mother-in-law's traditional meal.

"To clarify, this dish is not something you can eat two days in a row, as it is heavy. Some [family members] sent me a message, asking if mine would still happen—they know it's always the first Saturday—and I confirmed," said the poster. "On the 20th, I sent the formal invitation by message. My son called as soon as he received it, asking if it would be on the first Saturday and I confirmed and he started saying that people can't eat two days in a row and if I couldn't leave it for another week, because Wendy wanted to do it to get closer to the family."

But the mom refused to budge on her plans: "I said no, as it is my tradition and despite finding their choice of date unpleasant, I won't stop them, but I will continue with the usual dates," she said. "He proceeded to say I'm making things uncomfortable."

Both dinner parties went ahead, and relations became more strained between the family.

"There was a party on Saturday with family and friends—he and Wendy didn't come—and on Sunday—I didn't go, because I work that day—many didn't come and those who did, few ate the food because they couldn't eat twice," said the poster.

After the awkward weekend featuring two meals, the woman's son was furious that she had gone ahead with her party.

"My son sent a message asking if it was worth it to have done that and upset her, because it spoiled this moment that she wanted to have with our family," said the poster. "I don't think this attack is very fair, but I wanted an outside opinion."

Lieberman felt that there was more at play here than an accidental mix-up of dates. She explained: "In this case, Wendy is acting out her jealousy and resentment by being passive aggressive towards her mother-in-law. She is purposely trying to steal her mother-in-law's glory by making the same dish the day after, which she knew would force people to choose whose dinner they would attend.

"The blame for this unfortunate situation lands on the son. He knew this was his mother's long tradition and should have told his wife not to hurt his mom's feelings in this way."

On Reddit, commenters also rushed to share their thoughts—overwhelmingly siding with the mom for refusing to change her traditions.

In one comment with over 19,000 upvotes alone, a user wrote: "It sounds like she took it personally when you didn't follow her 'professional opinion' and wanted to upstage you on your own tradition."

Another commenter said: "This is a family tradition of 10 years. Traditions are important and attempting to modify or change them is offensive."

"Your daughter-in-law seems very pretentious," said another reply. "Instead of trying to be respectful of you and your recipes, she decided she's rather upstage you."

Newsweek has reached out to u/TARRAFs for comment. We were unable to verify the details of this case.

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