Woman Backed for Not Letting Stepsister Wear Dead Mom's Necklace in Wedding

A woman is being backed for not letting her stepsister and half sister wear her dead mom's necklace during their weddings.

The woman, u/Almost_Sun222, shared her story to the popular Reddit forum r/AmITheA**hole, earning over 5,700 upvotes and 700 comments for her post, "AITA for not wanting to be part of my stepmother's family tradition with my step and half sister?"

The original poster (OP) says she's engaged, and her stepmother has asked her to be a part of her family's tradition, where a bride wears an item of clothing from a family member's wedding. Ahead of the OP's wedding, her stepmom, stepsister and half sister sat her down to talk about what the borrowed item would be.

OP says that she's not close with her stepfamily. Her parents divorced when she was a young girl, and her dad remarried when she was 6 years old. But she lived with her mom until she died when the OP was 10.

She told her family that she was going to wear a necklace from her mother, and that would be the only accessory she'd wear as she walked down the aisle. Her stepmother said that it was an important tradition—but the OP said that while it was "nice of her to think of" her, it wasn't her family's tradition.

At this point, OP's stepmother suggested that she let her stepsister and half sister wear the necklace when it came time for them to get married. The two sisters were on board, saying the necklace was "the most beautiful thing ever and they'd love to wear it." OP shot that plan down, though, since they had no connection to her mother.

"My not wanting to do this tradition has caused some arguing. My step and half sister were upset I wouldn't do it with them. My stepmother is upset that I don't want to embrace a tradition from her family. The tradition has no interest to me at all. And I would never share something of my mom's with my step or half sister," u/Almost_Sun222 wrote.

"I know my mother wouldn't have wanted them to have anything of hers. I know that she would have turned them down if they had asked to wear something of her's to their weddings. My mom was still alive when my dad married my stepmother and she and my stepsister became part of my life. So she had time to consider some things and had some fears due to stuff that was going on back then," she added in a comment.

Her father tried to talk the OP into letting her stepsister and half sister wear the necklace, but she held fast. Her stepmother has also said that the tradition is an attempt to make her "a true part of her family, a true daughter," and that her refusal is not just hurting her but her stepfamily.

Though weddings are a lovely welcoming of the person one loves into their family, they can also often be stressful. And sometimes when blended families are involved, some family members are more willing to fully blend them than others—like one teen who refused to give her stepsister her mother's wedding dress or a bride who refused to invite her stepsisters at all. But when one groom didn't invite his aunt's stepdaughter, it caused a rift in the family.

Newsweek reached out to relationship therapist Simone Bose for her take on the situation. In her advice, she urged the OP to write out her reasons for not wanting to let them wear the necklace and for not wanting to share it. In addition, Bose says she should talk to friends in order to get a balanced viewpoint.

"There must be a lot of unexplored emotions around the meaning of this item, but also how you feel about the relationships with your stepmom and step sisters so far. Think about if there is a compromise or if it feels that it is stepping over boundaries, what would you stand to lose or gain by compromising?" Bose said.

"With empathy and sensitivity, but also firmly, say what you are fine with doing and what you aren't, and also explain the emotions behind it. Also you have every right to say no to these things; you have your own traditions and your own reasons. Hopefully they can accept your feelings, and if there is offense taken, this is not your fault. If you assert yourself with kindness and empathy towards them, you know you will have dealt with it as best you could," she added.

Reddit took the OP's side, agreeing that she was well within her rights to say no.

"[Not the A**hole] at all, and you handled the situation perfectly," u/Number60nopeas wrote in the top-rated comment with over 7,500 upvotes. "Ignore your dad and anyone else, you are in the right here."

"[Not the A**hole]. Definitely. They can keep their traditions. It's lovely that you want to have a connection to your mom. Have the wedding you want, and can afford," u/KatzAKat wrote.

"[Not the A**hole] You were polite and quite nice in your reply. If they can't handle it that's a them problem," u/WheresMyTan wrote. "It's your wedding and you get to decide which traditions you include. You've found a way to have your mom's memory close with her necklace. Your step and half sister jumping in to want to wear your mom's necklace is them just wantint to wear the most gorgeous necklace they've ever seen."

"[Not the A**hole]. She's trying to enforce her traditions on you and when you didn't bite, she wants you to 'share' something of your mother's with her children. Hubris! They don't have any connection with your mother and are only interested because of the aesthetic and value. They all suck. The real [a**hole] here is your father, who needs to grow a spine and stand up for you regarding your day. It's not about her or her children, or their traditions, it's about you having your day in your way and having your mother honored in your way without them imposing. The absolute and utter gall," u/unionmom wrote.

Newsweek reached out to u/Almost_Sun222 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.