Woman Refusing to 'Prioritize' Fiancé's Kids Over Grieving Nephews Backed

A woman "choosing" her nephews over her future stepchildren is being backed online.

Posting to Reddit's Am I the A******? (AITA) forum on October 2, user u/throw_895567away said she and her fiancé were at loggerheads over her decision to take-in her young nephews.

The poster's sister and brother-in-law passed away unexpectedly a few months ago, with u/throw_895567away becoming the boys' guardian. However, her fiancé is unhappy that her nephews—aged five and three—are "taking priority" over his own children, who are scheduled to move into her home soon.

Since being shared, the story has received almost 7,000 upvotes and 1,200 comments from Redditors warning throw_895567away about her soon-to-be husband's behavior.

'He may not value these children'

Lori Morton, relationship expert, counselor, and therapist at Broward College—said that it's not unusual for couples to be on different pages when it comes to childrearing, but ensuring that all children are treated equally is important when merging families.

"[Throw_895567away's] fiancé mentions priority: that is an issue when you are supposed to be blending a family of equity and harmony for all of the children," she told Newsweek.

"The fiancé's actions in not wanting to accommodate her sister's children, who lost both parents, may demonstrate that he may not value these children as fully hers.

"He may view them as conditional or even temporal responsibilities, and as such, he seems to be placing a higher value on the relationship and needs of his own biological children."

Morton said that grieving children, such as the poster's nephews, need extra love and care, with the fiancé "not demonstrating" an ability to provide this.

"They have experienced atypical trauma and grief at a young age," she said.

"The loss of their parents requires more compassion and affirmation that they are valued in their new family," Morton said. "If the poster is truly committed to her new parenting role, she can not proceed with a partner that does not understand the specific needs of all the children in his household."

'Red flags all over here'

In her post, u/throw_895567away explained that her fiancé's children, an 8-year-old boy and 6–year-old girl, were supposed to move in later this year or early next year after a long custody battle.

The poster owns a "spacious" house with four bedrooms, three bathrooms and a large garden, which she has been remodeling to "make her own." However, since agreeing to let her fiancé and his children move in, her sister and brother-in-law have passed away, making her the guardian of her two young nephews who she "loves with her full heart."

"My fiancé and I have been talking about moving together for about 1-2 years, but with the purchase and several custody fights he has had with his ex, it has been difficult," she wrote.

"Sadly, my sister and her husband passed away 2 months ago and my nephews were left alone. I knew I'd be asked to take them in, and I was 100 percent sure that I wanted to because I love them and I wasn't willing to let them go in the system, but I talked to my fiancé first."

Although her fiancé agreed that she should take in her nephews, issues started to rise when deciding how to fit all four children into the poster's house.

"He didn't like that hey had 'priority''' over his kids," she said. "Since I currently have 4 bedrooms, two kids would have to share and I was against it no matter who they were because I don't like the idea of cramping small kids in a room."

The fiancé said her two nephews could share a room and his children should have the other two, which throw_895567away disagreed with. Instead, the poster suggested she and her fiancé turn the basement into their bedroom and give each child their own room, which led to an argument over which child received the largest room.

After being unable to find a solution, throw_895567away decided "to be selfish" and "do what's best for her nephews."

"Due to his lack of empathy, we were no longer moving in together," she said.

"We can either plan to add 2 or 3 more bedrooms to the house AFTER we marry, or he can go, because my nephews need me more right now."

The nephews have since moved into her home and have their own newly-decorated bedrooms. However, throw_895567away has begun to receive messages from her fiancé's family, accusing the poster of "abandoning" her stepchildren in favor of her nephews.

Reddit users warned the poster about her fiancé's attitude towards her nephews, with BookReader1328 commenting: "Red flags all over here."

"He actually thinks deprioritizing two very young kids who just lost their parents is the right way to go?" she said.

"My guess is he will always think his kids should be #1. Cut him loose."

Dashcamkitty agreed, writing: "This bedroom situation would just be the start, I bet. He'd have let his own kids do what they want and always be prioritized over the nephews."

SpunkyRadcat said: "If his kids bullied the nephews you know they'd face no consequences, but if the nephews did anything to his kids he'd go nuclear."

While AgilityCattywumpus wrote: "Wait a minute, this is YOUR house, but he is telling you what you can and cannot do? And his family, too?

"I don't care if he is planning to move in with you, it is not his house to dictate who gets what room? He wants his kids to have their own rooms, buy your own house."

Newsweek has reached out to u/throw_895567away for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.