Woman Dumping Boyfriend Due to His Friends 'Ignoring Her' Sparks Debate

A woman breaking up with her boyfriend because his friends "really don't like her" has divided opinions online.

In a post to Mumsnet's Am I Being Unreasonable? (AIBU) forum on October 27, user BrandNewWoodenFloors wrote that she had split with her partner due to "drama and unpleasantness" in his social circle.

They say "love conquers all," but the approval of friends and family can have a huge impact on the strength of a romantic relationship. A 2016 study published in the International Association for Relationship Research journal found that support from friends and family correlated with greater relationship satisfaction.

Although researchers polled only heterosexuals between the ages of 18 and 25, they did find that if a participant believed their friends and family approved of their partner, then the relationship was more likely to succeed.

The Mumsnet poster wrote that she and her partner's friends had originally gotten along, but that the group no longer wanted her around. So her boyfriend was constantly forced to choose between lifelong friends and his relationship, and she no longer wanted to deal with it.

Questioning her decision, BrandNewWoodenFloors turned to fellow Mumsnet users for advice. However, users were confused by the situation and wanted to know more about why the poster was expelled from the group.

'A Common Problem'

Elizabeth Fedrick—counselor and owner of Evolve Counseling and Behavioral Services in Gilbert, Arizona—said friends coming between partners is "a common problem." However, removing yourself from a relationship that is bad for you is a wise move.

She told Newsweek: "When relationships start to negatively impact one's daily functioning and overall quality of life, it is worth it to take a step back and examine the cause of this and what can potentially be done to fix it.

"Unfortunately, sometimes 'fixing' is removing yourself from this dynamic when it is negatively impacting your mental health, self-esteem and mood states."

If you find yourself in a situation similar to BrandNewWoodenFloors, Fedrick said that it is important not to blame yourself.

"It is very likely not a reflection of them or an indication that they are not a likable person, but rather that their friends do not want to share his time or attention," she said.

"They will likely do this to his next partner as well, which we see happen very commonly with possessive friends."

'Divide and Conquer'

In her post, BrandNewWoodenFloors wrote that her partner's friends "no longer" liked her, resulting in her boyfriend feeling "forced to choose" between them.

She said that, on more than one occasion, his friends invited her to events—despite not wanting her there—and ignored her. Other times, her boyfriend was either asked to join couples' events alone or not invited at all.

Tired of the "drama" and missing her "uncomplicated social life," the poster decided to end things.

"There's a bit of 'divide and conquer' going on and testing his loyalties, which is unpleasant for both of us," she said.

"More me than him, because I'm the one directly impacted, but it will impact on him when he continues to not be invited to things."

Although her boyfriend said that he loved her and didn't want to break up, he also didn't have another solution.

"Splitting up isn't what either of us wants, but he's already been excluded from a few things he'd otherwise have been invited to," the poster wrote.

Mumsnet users felt there was something missing from BrandNewWoodenFloors' story, and wanted to know why his friends didn't enjoy her company. In an update, she said that she stood up for herself after a member of the group tried to "sabotage" her relationship and had been excluded since.

"I'm being blamed for him stepping back. Obviously, as a man, he isn't capable of making his own decisions," the poster wrote.

"Some have had a go at me publicly. Some, I suspect, are trying to keep a low profile and hope it all blows over eventually.

"It's just become an incredibly toxic situation and I want out of it completely."

The Mumsnet user also wrote that this woman had driven previous couples away from the friendship group, and is "spearheading a bit of smear campaign" against her.

After reading the update, user Whataretheodds commented that the situation sounded "a bit schoolyard."

"Does he want to still hang out with the ringleaders? If so, you're right to break things off," she wrote.

CloseYourEyesAndSee agreed, writing: "Sounds like your partner needs to break away from this weird toxic little group anyway and grow up a bit."

Some users wrote that, instead of splitting up with her boyfriend, BrandNewWoodenFloors should give him the option of ditching his friends and saving their relationship.

"You've highlighted that it seems they think he cannot make his own decisions, and that you must be the driving force," commented DespiteAllMyRage.

"By leaving him and refusing to let him make the choice, you are doing the same."

However, Keepingthingsinteresting said that the poster had made the right decision by walking away.

"He is allowing you to be disrespected by these people as he is too much of a coward to sort it out because it would be unpleasant for him," she wrote.

"Dump him because he isn't worthy of you and you deserve better."